A View From Two Queens: If I were Oboma-How to keep the Whitehouse 2012

A View From Two Queens: If I were Oboma-How to keep the Whitehouse 2012: "I have written no books, nor have I been called by the president for advice. But I should note I have been right (thought not verbally) in e..."

If I were Oboma-How to keep the Whitehouse 2012

I have written no books, nor have I been called by the president for advice. But I should note I have been right (thought not verbally) in every election since Carter. Does that make me an expert, maybe not!

Obama says changes re pending in January for the next two years. Let me suggest a big one! Prepare Hillary for Vice President in 2012. She has never been so popular and you have lost your supporters as noted in 2010.

I say run with her now or then or I would recommend she take you on! This is basic politics or the republicans will eat you alive! As seen in midterm elections you lost your base and Oprah (she gets the red neck white woman vote). But she will be out of the limelight then trying to survive on OWN.

I always looked at Obama as a smart man, though sometimes I think his wife is more of a leader. Dude, listen change and win or go down as Carter did. You’re no Reagan!

Dr Q

A View From Two Queens: Complete Circle

A View From Two Queens: Complete Circle: "I am amazed how things come to a complete circle in life. I find myself doing the things I did as a teenager or younger and as the memory la..."

Complete Circle

I am amazed how things come to a complete circle in life. I find myself doing the things I did as a teenager or younger and as the memory lapses depending on other as in the early years.

No-one talks about it, but we come into a complete circle in life. It's not a bad thing if you’re with someone you love. Last night due to my spasms Rob rubs my legs constantly reminds me to do certain things as I often remember my mother saying.

I don't know what 2011 has in store for me/us, but starting the year with someone you love surrounded by family that loves you has to be a good foundation for things to come.

Chat soon!
Dr Q

A View From Two Queens: Reality kicks in! What to do with so much clothes!...

A View From Two Queens: Reality kicks in! What to do with so much clothes!...: "I received the official letter from SSDI on my benefits yesterday and reality kicked in! First let me say that I deeply appreciate everyone ..."

Reality kicks in! What to do with so much clothes!

I received the official letter from SSDI on my benefits yesterday and reality kicked in! First let me say that I deeply appreciate everyone for assisting and getting this major accomplishment in record time. That being said, it hit me when I received the letter!

I opened one of my closets and said what I do with all this clothes. Over the years I have accumulated at least 150 shirts, 100 or so sweaters, about 30 suits and let’s not mention shoes. Rob and I spoke and yes he can wear some of this stuff and I of course can also for some functions. But what to do with the majority of this clothes?

First we thought we could sell it for almost nothing to consignment shops or maybe give it away to a charity like Goodwill, they are everywhere down here. Some we could and already started giving to family. But ultimately we decided to have a spring yard sale with the balance going to charity.

I can't say it will be easy. I have memories with every piece of garment I have and every time I depart with something emotions run high. But being disabled and not moving around much I can't see all of this clothes hanging around not being used

Some of these garments cost me lots of money! They were purchased when I had money. It's only proper that I either give them away for almost nothing to someone who will appreciate it. Dam, I hate when reality kicks in!

Chat soon
Dr Q

A View From Two Queens: Time to Celebrate the Holiday's

A View From Two Queens: Time to Celebrate the Holiday's: "Rob and I are wrestling with our annual Xmas party. Since arriving in Tampa things are somewhat set as to who does what and we don't want to..."

Time to Celebrate the Holiday's

Rob and I are wrestling with our annual Xmas party. Since arriving in Tampa things are somewhat set as to who does what and we don't want to rock the boat! Xmas eve we are at my cousins and we always have a good time. Xmas day we are with my aunt and the similar, a good time always held by all.

Of course we have the privilege of kicking of the holidays with the Thanksgiving dinner being held here. But we don’t have all the lights up and the house decorated so we kind of want to show that off.

We are not very lucky with these parties after leaving Jersey. First I never know when I am going to get sick and then it's all on Rob second we had a big second family there.

So we are aiming for a small get together on the 18th! Just local neighbors, some family and friends for drinks and appetizers. Why celebrate the holidays if you don’t have those you love stop by?

Chat soon
Dr Q

Enough on Palin taking a shit~report on important issues

I finally realize why she is so popular.... The reporters can't seem to have anything else to report on! It's not like Princess Diane that everyone wanted to depict her beauty and every movement so to embarrass the Queen!

Why the fuck do we still have to report on every move Palin makes? I am so sick of it; I have started tuning out certain news agencies like CNN. I mean is there not enough news that we need to report when Palin farts or takes a shit. Today's news "she is mad at the media"! Who the fuck cares! Stop making her some kind of special person!

Though I voted for McCain and therefore Palin, I am now embarrassed to even say I did. She has become more of an idiot in the news than someone who one would report on. Barbara Bush is correct, leave the woman alone and let her stay in Alaska where she can see Russia.

If you idiots stop making a big deal of her, just, just maybe she will go away. Stop making a mountain out of a shit hill!

Thanksgiving or Giving Thanks For Freedom

Thanksgiving Day is a harvest festival celebrated primarily in the United States and Canada. Traditionally, it has been a time to give thanks for a bountiful harvest. While it may have been religious in origin, Thanksgiving is now primarily identified as a secular holiday.^[1] It is sometimes casually referred to as Turkey Day.

There are many myths and misconceptions surrounding the people responsible for the American Thanksgiving tradition. Contrary to popular opinion, the Pilgrims didn't wear buckles on their shoes or hats. They weren't teetotalers, either. They smoked tobacco and drank beer. And, most importantly, their first harvest festival and subsequent "thanksgivings" weren't held to thank the local natives for saving their lives.

It was religion they were fleeing from England and it did not take long to start practicing religion here and thereby have a day of celebration to God.

Of course this land was build on and for both believers and unbelievers and I would like to know how many that day may of not believed in a God but did not speak up.

We should give thanks this Thanksgiving day we still have freedom here to believe or not believe and more important have the freedom to be able to say so!

Weekly with Marie!

Though from reading my blogs you may get the impression I am not a huge believer in godly intervention or guidance, you would be totally wrong. I do believe through my life there has been guidance hard to explain. I have always felt something is watching my every move and influences such moves. This recent move, brought us to Hudson Florida.

Of course we recently, again to higher intervention, now reside next to our neighbor known as Marie. She has lived here 27 years. Her and Husband were the first in the block. They had a couple of kids and since he left earth, the grandsons kind of keep an eye over her.

However for some reason, out of all the people in this neighborhood she befriended us. And so there starts "Weekly with Marie".

Once a week either she comes to our house or we to hers and while sharing some wine or hard alcohol and nibbling on some appetizers, we chat about life, current issues or what’s going on in the family or neighborhood.  Marie is 84 and very active, personally taking care of Walter her neighbor who will turn 91 and since losing his wife has never been the same.

She, like her daughter back in PA, now has Gay neighbors. We chat about that often too. I don't why we are here, but I truly believe, we are here at this moment to be with Marie. And I believe I need Marie. During my bad times, she always says stop talking nonsense! I appreciate her candor!

Her daughter is coming for the holidays and my sister returns permanently Jan 6-7. I anticipate the holiday's with Marie to be interesting and in 2011 there is going to be some exciting times when we all hang with Marie.

Chat soon
Dr Q

Active mind while you sleep!

I don't know why, bust since my first accident which I should be glad I was kept alive, I started having nightmares. At first it was horrible ones with death all around me. I used to wake up feeling like I buried people in the garage, backyard and in the woods behind our Jersey room.

At first I could not get doctors to believe me. Then all these tests were done to find out there was some issues with my brain. For months every time I heard a siren I thought, yup they are here for me. These murders were so real! I would see dead people in my bedroom and talk to them until Rob would notch me and wake me up.

Well that went on and then a Doctor in Miami gave me some medication and it stopped. Now I have another dilemma. I am up all night and its very visit as I have discussions with my family on issues of the day. I also manage these people and tell them how to do it better. Again these go on until Rob nudges me and when I fall back to sleep I pick up the dream.

It's like I am awake while this is happening, but I can't stop it! I imagine the part of the brain I used for years is trying to stay active. All the Process Improvement books and papers I wrote are still stored there and now being used during my sleep.

I never killed anyone so I don't know why I had the Horror dreams! But the PI ones make sense. The brain is an amazing organ and who knows what my thoughts will do tomorrow night! One thing is for sure, I need to get my day more active so it tires out or my nights make me work.

Happy, Happy Holidays..... NOT FOR SOME!

I have always been intrigued by the holidays and how they can energize some people and do the opposite to others. I believe people with a happy heart enjoy the holidays, and those burden by life's challenges curse it.

More people commit suicide around these holidays than any other time of the year. More people seek professional help at this time of year and there are more doctor/hospital visits than any other time of the year.

I grew up a JW so we never celebrated the holidays, but I missed the joy around them. They never depressed me except when I find myself thinking of my children. But that occurs anytime of the year not just Thanksgiving and Christmas.

I don’t associate either with religion either! I just like the fact that in this busy world there is a few days they still allow families to enjoy each other. Unfortunately those with BB will be working! I ask that for a few days put the BB down. I remember when I worded with my BB next to my bed and my life was driven by it verses I mange the BB.

I am here this morning writing Christmas cards and thinking of a life when you actually found joy in sending and receiving them, a time when you looked forward to and planned the holidays to be with your family. Thinking of a time it was full of Joy and happyness!

Unfortunately it's not the case for some! The homeless, those with children living away that don’t take the time or make plans to visit their loved ones. Times have changed and we have allowed time to change us and drive away the joy and festivities of the holidays, that are now a memory.

I still like writing cards! I still like emailing at year end, those that made an impact in my life during the year. I, though at times have my own demons, still love the interaction with people I love and who love me!

Until we chat again!
Dr. Q

Time to end TSA?

 The following is not surprising! The TSA is the only government organization that is not accountable (where are reports that define how many hijacks were averted), does not implement Customer Service/Process Improvement training and runs and was implemented on fear!

Like all government agencies, you see a number just hanging around (top heavy) and you’re considered guilty, which is contrary to our constitution.

Even lawmakers are considering whether it is time to "opt out."

Rep. John Mica, R-Fla., who helped write the bill creating the TSA, now says it, might be time to eliminate the government agency, NBC's WESH-TV reports.

Mica, who will chair the House Transportation Committee in the New Year, has sent letters to 150 airports suggesting that they dump TSA screeners and hire private security. Florida's Orlando Sanford Airport, which handles 2 million passengers a year, already plans to replace "testy" TSA screeners with private contractors.

The federal law that created the TSA gives airports the right to use private screeners, as long as they follow the Department of Homeland Security's rules and guidelines.

"As TSA has grown larger, more impersonal, and administratively top-heavy, I believe it is important that airports across the country consider utilizing the opt-out provision provided by law," Mica wrote in the letter.

Why Miami is still in my heart!

Though only a little over 300 miles away, I long for Miami almost everyday! Don't get me wrong, I love being with my family in the Tampa Bay area! My uncle and aunt bought a nice place we are renting, and here we will be for time to come. But as mush as possible, take it from someone who has traveled the world, Miami is very special!

First it rarely gets cold. Here in Tampa Bay in the fall and winter you get to low 30's sometimes 20's. Most of the time it's 50's at night and 80's during the day. Yes we can sleep with our doors open and it makes it for good sleeping weather. Here you need Robes (I threw them out in Miami, new ones) to keep you warm in the morning and evening. Here we can use our winter clothes and coats like if we were in the Boston area.

Things die here! I was born in Madeira Portugal and nothing ever died there. There was greenery every day! This is the same as Miami. I can grow, avocados, papaya's, star fruit and many other plants and fruits 12 months a year.

Rob is not crazy about Miami! He actually is very happy in Tampa Bay, though if he had a choice we would be living in NYC or downtown Boston.

It's not just the warmth, beauty and the various fruits you can find in any corner in Miami that attracts me to it. It's also its beauty in people. I don't know about what my readers think, but I find the most beautiful people either live or visit Miami.

And since I am beautiful, it's where my heart is. If I can't live there, I will be a frequent visitor! Viva Miami!

Blog soon, Dr Q.

'A happy wife (husband) is happy life'

Republican Sen. John McCain's wife, Cindy -- a staunch supporter of gay rights is fighting hard to repeal "don't ask, don't tell! Of course the policy from the Clinton years was a patch to keep the right wing happy, while admitting gay men and women have been in the military since the beginning of time.

All you have to do is review history and if gay men were not in the front line they were boy toys for those in the front line. Just research Alexander. The wife was for bearing children, his boy was a playmate.

I think it makes a relationship a happy one when you can agree to disagree. Of course in this subject, Cindy is right, but after 12 years with Rob I like the challenge. Yes, he and I almost always are in opposite directions when it comes to many subjects.

Take it sending children to camp; I say no, he says yes.
The age children can go out alone, I say 50 he says 14 (I am kidding but not 14)
When you can have sex, drinking etc we are in opposite sides.

Even in the last presidential election, though we were both for Hillary, when it came to Obama and McCain, he chose Obama and I McCain (first time in my life I voted republican).

Though we agree to disagree, it never affects our relationship! Just the opposite! A healthy discussion on subjects not keeps us alert and in tune with each other, as we get older it gives us something to talk about. In the end I make sure he is happy, because a happy mate is much better than a sad one (been there).

Drama; George Bush, Matt Lauder and Kenya West = FOOLS

NEWS, NEWS, NEWS

Katrina in the news again, with George Bush saying being called prejudice during Katrina was the lowest point of his presidency!

Besides the fact that I can think of a dozen other important fuck ups Mr. Bush, Kenya West showed no backbone by reversing his statement. I assure you that if those were white people it would never have happened.

I have personally experienced how the federal government reacts to minorities, so even if you directly aren’t prejudice, your administration and Bills to Congress show you were for a devasting 8 years in our history.

Enough said! Kenya West you were right don't retract when you’re right. What you should retract is your demeanor at the awards. Time to grow up and act like a man!

Reading George W. Bush Book! Burn it, trash it, but read it! Nah!

"I gave it my all and love America"! We would of been happy if the cooment was "I took care of the Americans and gave it my all to see that every American was dealt with respect and better off when I left office than when I arrived."

Not being a republican one always remembers Reagan's words if your better off today then before vote for him, if your not vote for me. That defines a confident president to be and the rest was history.

The bottom line is when we ellect a president, immediatly he/she needs to be addressing our needs and not the worlds. Reagan and Clinton were good at that! Both Bush's and Obama seem to be forgetting that. People may not like your decisions, but you need to make constetutional decisions and stay the course with the people. When you dev iate from that you start floundering and people no longer respect you as a President.

We lived through George W Bush presidency, so I am not reading the book. He left me worse than when he entered as preseident. He left the country in worse condition then when hebecame presidency. And he stole the second election! We lived it, so thee is no need to revisit those horrible years.

However Obama should read it and do the opposite. Obama should read Carter's book and do the opposite. Obama should read Clinton and Reagan's book and follow their examples so we can prosper during his presidency.

When friends come on calling! The cost!

I remember when I was younger with a new family my house was the center for other family's to come and hang and enjoy each other's company! Since I was so careful with my children they rarely stayed at anyone's home so, kids were always sleeping over for days if not weeks.

Hundreds of people would be over for weekend events such as running games, BBQ's and other fun activities. At that time I made good money so often if not most of the time we did not mind picking up the expenses associated with so many people coming over.

However times have changed! Now being unemployed and awaiting SSDI and Rob making minimum wages we cannot afford to continue as was for many years. When friends come on calling they should be aware that we can't afford to pay for additional people that will utilize electricity, water, food and simple things like toilet paper, soap shampoo etc.

Don't get me wrong we love our friends but unlike family they tend to forget the basics and it becomes our responsibility. So what happens is we shun away from hanging with our friends and having them over. Bringing a bottle of vodka does not pay for a weekend at our house.

So next time you go to stay at a friend’s, unless they are well off remember the basics! And even if they are well off, remember respect and pay for yourself and whom you bring so you don't become a burden to your friends.

A man's best friend...... YEAH his/her dog!

Election day approches, what's between your legs may matter!

With everyone fighting for your vote and after months of commercials that at times have nothing to do with the job they are running for, lots of people just say "I am not voting". This is the case with some of our closest friends. It's also said often by Robert! I mean after all promises are made then not kept. And more importantly, once there, you need to play the game.

I have never been a politician, but it's the same in the corporate world. It all depends on who's hand is in who's pocket, and they are not looking for what’s between your legs (well most of them aren't, there is a few).

I for one always vote based on what I think the person can do for me and Rob generally and/or the community we live, associate of belong to. So yes, civil rights are very important to me. It also is very important we don’t turn back time, so I look for progress!

Obama, in my eyes has done what he can do without pissing off the masses. People are very easily swayed and thought they like him, they listen to the propaganda from the right and all of a sudden we are on the wrong track. They quickly forget what track we were on with Jimmy Carter, and the two Busch’s.

I am a believer there should be a balance of power, one in congress and one in the White House to balance things out. And as I say that I realize not much will get done! So I am leaning to independent people like Crist for the Senate. I would like to see a third party, but damm those fucking right wing fanatics, they scare me and should scare you! Anybody wearing tea bags on their heads with no teeth in their mouths and who seem to be lacking a bath for months should not be in power.

So, on Tuesday utilize common sense (I know it's a forgotten quality) and thing with the right head, think progress, be patient and most of all don't be stupid, though I have a feeling most will! Most of us unfortunately don't have someone in our pockets so that should not matter! So don't be a dick and think and learn from the past and not be easily manipulated by commercials or the right wing idiots who are being manipulated by Palin and others! And to think I voted for McCain and Palin (yeah thinking with the wrong head, I was)!

Choice Gay or Homosexual, which!

Do straight people choose to be heterosexuals? Do Gay people choose to be homosexuals? Do Lesbians.. never mind them that get's confusing! Joking!

Let me explain what people need to understand!

We are born gay, straight or lesbian (but why they have their own category is being me or them). We thought choose to act on our sexual preference and them either become homosexual or heterosexual etc. I think throughout the years people have combined the two.

One can be born and be attracted to the same or opposite sex and never act on their sexual preference or needs/desires. Some 98% of the life is focused on having sex these don't count. They were born homosexuals or heterosexuals! It's a funny way to explain. But with all of the misunderstanding we sometimes open our mouth and insert both our feed.

In the 21st century we need to educate ourselves and live in harmony with everyone around us. It may take a little effort to understand, the gains are worth it!

I am reminded of some people who said to me once "we love the person but not the act of gay" They don't understand! In some perspectives they are right if they said it correctly. You can chose to like a gay person and not accpet the act of  being a homsexual. But you need to understand that according to the creator "if you think, it you have done it", and so I don't thing the two can be separated!

So neith when all is said and done is by choice!

Obama Cares.... everyone else is just trying to get elected!

ObamaCare is something we have heard of this political season! Well as an American I am glad the president cares about our health! Let's just take the health away from all politicians, for after all they can afford to pay for it. Some of these congress seats cost 50M! Why would one spend 50M for a 200k job!

We that could be a blog in itself! Just ask yourself, should we Americans not have at least basic care? Basic care helps the economy. Eventually everyone has to pay for people who did not take care of themselves, in this country we don't let anyone die, even those that want to, we force tubes and whatever it takes to keep people alive.

So I for one who is dealing with some major health issues, and presently beg and plead for the basics am happy Obama cares! Shouldn't you!

If we get away from the front of the TV and stop the negative influence from the right that have political inspirations and work on our fear!! I assure the basic American would care as much as Obama Cares!

No-one paying attention!

With all the focus on bullying, most people believe that it takes one act to drive someone to commit suicide! Just the opposite! An individual has to be feeling like he/she is not worthy of life both from within the family and within the circle of influence. That is friends, teachers, etc.

No-one gets up one morning and says today is the day! I for one as a teenager and as an adult think about death often. As a child I was very close to committing suicide! But it was gradual! It sneaks up on you, because you let others destroy your willingness to live and those around you give you no reason to stay on this earth. It’s a feeling that no-one cares and why stay here.

I have lost 5 friends in my life to suicide! I presently think of it often. Why you may say! Well loneliness is a big part, health in another and feeling you have nothing to contribute is major. Children are no different. When they have too much time in their hands, feel no-one is listening and they have nothing to look forward to they give up.

The constant negativity around us from all sources gives hopelessness to young and old! The world at times can be difficult to adults never mind children. When someone commits suicide, we all need to ask ourselves, what part I played whether we directly knew the person or not.

When someone commits suicide, they have already died spiritually and physically way before they committed the act. It's like a divorce! When someone asks for a divorce the marriage has ended long ago!

Look around you, talk to those you love and remember them. Call your family and friends and check in on them. Listen more than speak and as much as possible remember those that are weak and need you. The signs are there! No-one is paying attention!

My Mom and Memories

Memories of my youth.
Flood over my soul.
When I think of my mom.
They make me feel whole.
Gathering at her house.
With all the family there.
We made lots of memories.
For all of us to share.

Lessons that she taught me.
Guide me thru the day.
If I listened closely.
I cannot go astray.
Love and commitment.
She drilled into me.
Making the person that I am.
Just who I want to be.

My mom is still here.
Lessons of life are still being given
She embraces what is love
For she is still living.,

A world of TXT'g, what has happened to communication (dedicated to Ron)

Last week I needed someone! I had a very bad few days and I have this special person that wanted to talk to me. I now realize after he told me to blog about txt'g that something is missing when we txt our challenges and overall communication or even when we use email. I think he wanted to first feel my pain! Sometimes people feel (and I am one of these) that if you hear it feel it you can take ownership of it.

However I come from a very old school family and emotional as I am, my father’s last words to me before I ever saw him again was "stop crying or I’ll smack you"! I was crying because I missed him and I had not seen him for 4 years. Besides saying the man was an asshole! He was more ignorant than anything else. I think if he were alive today things would be different! But that's for another blog on another time.

I am a vivid email and txt person! Email because I like to keep record of what I say do etc. Especially when juggling many things. But my friend is right, you can try, but never truly express your emotion at the time you wrote the email or txt the message.

When I was little in Madeira Portugal, we used to get a monthly telephone call from America. I remember waiting for those calls. There was one phone for the whole village/town. Then we came to America and every house had a phone to phones in the bathroom (I actually one time had a phone in every room including the bathrooms). Then we had email and man what would we do without it. This was followed very soon by the beeper, cell phone and now the world of txt'g.

It has become a world where we no longer feel the pain, understand each other because we don’t properly communicate. We have developed wonderful tools but nothing replaces the voice saying I love you, the hug when you can feel the heartbeat as your embraced and the handshake that tells you so much about an individual along with their eyes that you can read books if truly analyzed.

It was often said of me you could read what I was thinking by looking at my eyes and face! My friend your right! Next time you call even in desperate of hours, you will hear my pain, sadness sorrow, happiness or enlightenment because you mean more to me than an email or a txt!

Tampa Bay in the Fall

Living in Miami prior to relocating to Tampa Bay had its benefits as we look back now! Miami is more, what I call, alive! Always something to do, beautiful people to see and like NYC it seems like it never sleeps.

But what we appreciate in Tampa Bay is the cool fall to spring weather. Tampa Bay and Miami are very different in night live and weather. As we get older the night life becomes less of a need and the weather more important. There is nothing like a cool morning walking around in shorts with a cap wand a light sweatshirt.

And going to bed at night is crisp and you embrace each other as you fall asleep. Eventually we may need a little head but that becomes a last resort here in Tampa Bay. Robert and I provide enough body heat to keep us warm all night.

Its 65 dry in Hudson this morning. Hudson is similar to Egg Harbor City in NJ! Except here we have our family so it's a little more barerable. And of course we don’t get snow. Now that I have 4 bolts supporting my spine and allowing me the capability of walking, I don’t know how well I would do in very cold weather.

When you wake up with someone you’re in love with and the weather is just about perfect and you have the basics for survival (maybe a little more) you appreciate life no matter what lays ahead.

So if you ever have a chance come and enjoys Tampa Bay in the fall where it's in the 60's at night and upper 80's in the day. Could life get any better?

Rating Your Sexual Experiences, And Happiness

There is a song that comes to mind from a song in the movie Grease that says "there are worse things that I could do, than have a boy or two"! Of course everyone is waking up this morning to the Duke University sex scandal, related to the thesis this girl wrote about her sexual encounters while at Duke. She graduated this year so the scandal comes out after graduation.

I believe involved are 10 to 12 men. I actually did not pay too much attention unless they said 100. In the gay community 10-12 men can be a one night sexual encounter. Men, gay or straight are so much different then women. We only brag when we hit hundreds! What the hell are 10-12 men in four years? Of course there are exceptions, some men are not as sexual addicted as others and may have 10-12 in one year. But four, well unless you married and/or in a committed relationship, I doubt, even then you would with less than a dozen in four years.

Of course this is all in a colorful manner. Today any sex becomes scandals. From a biblical perspective everyone was screwing everyone. Lot had sex with his daughters. Solomon had 1000 wife’s (and assuming he was not gay, that is amazing) and almost every conqueror had women and men on the side for as some histories document, women were for bearing children and men lovers were for that "love". One has only to see Brad Pitt in "Alexander".

I have never rated my sexual experiences, but I can count in one hand the good experiences I have had and let’s say there has been many, something I am not proud of but neither am I apologetic. You see way before I ever knew my family says I was a sexual beast. Actually my mom and aunt say they noticed it at 5 years old. To me making out with another boy was natural until I was told it was not. I never thought of who was better and by age 14 I had already gone through a dozen or so. That's when I decided to be religious and try the heterosexual preferred method and in one way to live my dreams.

I never rated sex before marriage or after! To me sex was fun something to enjoy with your friends! It's like watching a movie having dinner! It just happens. There is no need to neither hunt for it nor rate it. Sexual satisfactions vary from person to person. What is good for you may not be the same for someone else? Maybe this explains why Solomon needed a thousand, he never found the right person that was the other part of sexual satisfaction.

Finding a perfect sexual partner is like finding true love or being in love. It's rare and in the meantime we keep pursing it gowing through hundreds and maybe, just maybe you will find one that can fulfill both roles of a partner in life and unbelievable sex. A rating of 10 in bed may be a 1 as far as having the qualities for a partner.

Until we find a 10 in both sexual/human qualities we continue to hunt! So my friends Happy Hunting! But if you’re going to rate, have two graphs great sex/human qualities for a long time life of happiness.

Dealing With Loneliness and/or Depression

I once read that loneliness effected more people in the world than all the diseases put together. Of course I add depression to this list. So, I agree that depression and the feeling of loneliness can and is the disease affecting the world that hardly anyone addresses. It’s a disease that most are embarrassed about even more than telling someone you have Aids.

You see when someone is lonely or depressed they can be embraced by many friends who love them and they may have lots of money. It has nothing to do with either. Loneliness and depression are deep inside the soul and a mental condition.

I never understood it until it affected me. I have the greatest man anyone could ask for and my life in general is very good. We are not rich nor poor we have family around us and overall everything is like everyone else. But there is this emptiness within, that is very difficult to explain.

Someone who is lonely or depressed has a body but a dying or deal soul. They are here but no longer living. It’s like a tree with a hollow trunk. Sometimes people who are lonely/depressed turn to drinking, drugs or sex. Some turn to doctors for medication that basically makes them numb. Some do both and eventually take their lives way before it’s their time.

I am not afraid to say I am dealing with loneliness/depression. I have for the last 6 years. There are days I cry all day. The smallest of things can turn me into an emotional state. Lots of times I am here, but not no longer living. I experienced this when I was a teenager and what helped me was I tried to stay busy. Lonely/depressed people tend to have lots of time on their hands; thinking is their enemy not friend.

I got married had children traveled the world stayed in the best of hotels and eat of the best food. Then I was lonely/depressed again when I had nothing to do! I came out and made the decision to live my life the way and was lucky enough to find Robert and the cycle ran its course again. During this transition I again dealt with loneliness/depression.

Today after a nervous breakdown and two auto accidents I again find myself with time. And time is my enemy. This time its associated with physical pain, night tremors, loss of memory etc. So I am looking to blogging to stay busy and maybe sharing my experience can assist others and me.

My dad was an alcoholic, womanizer and died at an early age of 42 or so I am told. I believe it was related to his liver. I now find myself with similar issues, though I don’t consider myself an alcoholic, there are many other diseases that affect the liver, lungs, heart etc.

It seems the best way to deal with loneliness/depression is for everyone to remember those around them. Tell them you love them and stop by to say hello. People get so busy in life, they forget their parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, nephews etc. When you think of someone, call them and say you were just thinking about them.

The electronic world was suppose to relieve us and free our time, instead it has eaten every minute of life. There went the Sunday family get together, vacations or retreats. We have become a world of pills, and therapists!

It's a shame for there is so much to live for and when your lonely/depressed none of it matters. I believe that the masses of people busy with their computers and iphones/blackberry’s will become the next generation of lonely depressed people. One day all that will be taken away and you won’t know what to do!

Build relationships and a circle of friends not related to you electronic device, for when all is said and done that is who will help you stay away from being lonely and depressed.

WHEN DEATH COMES KNOCKING! a new blog starting next week!

Monday I will start a new blog that will deal with Life before Death. A number of people are living with terminal illnesses, including me. To some this comes as a surprise, to some a shock and to others, you may have figured it out.

I guess it's time and just to note, I don't want the sympathy calls, emails notes or visits. I want to be treated as I am living not dying. But there is a need in this world to talk about how people are feeling as they struggle with life not thinking of dying. A friend quoted a good saying yesterday "everyone wants to go to heaven but no-one wants to die". I am not one of those! I don't expect heaven or hell but to dust I will return sooner than most my age... and this is happening to people every day.

I think it helps to talk about it, so I will blog to see if it helps me adjust to what I have and will miss. I think most of the new generations are not afraid of dying. Maybe that explains why the death rates for younger people are higher. I actually ask for it to happen every day. This is especially true, since I lost Bam Bam. Though I know Rob would have taken good care of him, I know no-one could replace me. Taking of one’s life is a self centered selfish activity, so I used to think! Always remember the brain is an amazing organ.

I will discuss this further next week on maybe a daily or a few times a week, I have yet to decide. I am dealing with death very different than my sister. She is fighting to live! I have decided to just live! It's been 6 years that I have refused to accept it, tell anyone or accepted my fate. Just recently after the second car accident I had to come to terms with my many illnesses including the fact that I am on the death list! Only time will tell when that is and how I go. I am sure many will go before me and maybe not.

I have been a very lucky man, lived all my dreams! It is difficult to accept and it's a huge challenge for me. The most challenging aspect is that more and more I need someone to take care of me (mostly due to the auto accidents). Most of you that know me well, realize I was the one that took care of everything. Today, I can't even handle a checking account.

I still love the things in life; I no longer enjoy living it. I hope our blog will assist those who are troubled like me to look at what’s left from a different perspective.

I have always believed we don’t talk about death enough. It’s something that awaits all of us yet rarely talked about. I plan on changing this! See you Monday! It will be called "Today with Abilio, a view of life accepting death"!

What I enjoyed, missed, regret and look forward to! But It made me!

Enjoyed: Having a boyfriend until I was told I had to have a girlfriend
               Having a girlfriend that I married
               First time I had sex with a guy and girl age G5-G17, early starter
               Getting married TWICE
               Being part of creation and being there when my children were born
               Being thee for my kids, school plays, the crying the days they needed me, up all night holding       
               them when they were sick, being squeezed by my daughter/son and holding their hands when we
               walked
               The baby smell
               Going to school and taking on the teachers
               Watching my kids grow up
                
Missed:   I missed growing up being who I really was! Pretending to be someone I was not, though
               I became good at it.
              
Regrets:  Not going to my daughter’s college graduation'   
              Not attending my daughter’s wedding
              Having children so young, maybe if I had them older I would have been a better parent
              Not having the courage to be who I was
             
Plan on:  Live but not suffer
              Plan for the day
              Going to Europe because Rob wants to
              Avoiding all funerals
              Be there for my children, Rob and family
              Enjoy every moment
              Be there for anyone who needs me
              Die with dignity

Political add; "get rid of corruption and fraud" would mean no political leaders

This morning at 5 AM, (it's hard to understand why a disabled person gets up at that time) I saw an ad on TV for state senate that said if you "get rid of corruption and fraud" it creates jobs. Now I don’t know what planet he lives on or who actually buys that shit, but I don't think getting rid of corruption and fraud would create jobs.

Getting rid of corruption and fraud would get rid of the politicians. I think everyone running for the state and federal level in Florida has a counter add that depicts the individual with corruption and fraud charges. I am at awe how corrupt our leaders are or hoe corrupt they become when the go to Washington. I am one of those believers we should just get rid of the federal government.

The Soviet Union collapsed and the world continued without skipping a beat. If the federal government collapsed every state would be responsible for they make rules that their people want and those states that sucked would merge would others. I think the federal government is out of control, is no longer in touch with the common citizen their there to represent and is definitely all corrupt.

I worked for the FAA for a while and the US Army and let me tell you how out of control the Federal Government is. I one time was hired to assist someone who was assisting someone who was assisting the government. That added 3 more layers of people because the government worker could not do their job. You see you never get fired from government. Only new administration members get rotated. Those little guys that get paid 80k for an administration job and around 130k for a leader position always get rotated never fired.

You want to reduce 1.5 Trillion dollars! Just get rid of the federal government and every state fend for themselves. Or maybe have a government that oversees 25 states. There has to be a better idea then what we presently have. We are so corrupt that I believe it's a prerequisite to run for political office.

Now that is a sad state we are in!

Florida in the Fall, Winter and Spring

Most of our neighborhood leaves for the summer and returns for the winter here in the Tampa Bay area. I still don't understand that concept. OK, we don’t get snow, but temperatures can and often in the winter reach the high 20's.

This morning I awoke to a crisp 52 degrees. Now for October that is way below normal. Maybe after all the weather system is changing, I don't know. I do know Miami never reached such cold temperatures and yet we are only 300 miles from Miami.

Don't get me wrong I like the nice cool weather. It’s refreshing after what they say was the hottest summer on record for the Tampa Bay area. As I write this blog, I am wearing a nice sweater and socks outside where I tend to be when it's not as hot as hell! You see the summers here to me are as I imagine a fiery hell to be. I don’t particularly like it.

However the reason for our recent trips is being made as a way to say goodbye this will be explained in another blog). However here we are in Tampa Bay and for a number of reasons here we may finally stay and live for a period of time. I would have preferred MA where we have more rights and our relationship is accepted and embraced, but except for my children my family is here, we feel welcomed and so this is going to be home.

Yes I do have to tolerate the summer. We tend to hide inside for a few months. But there is nothing like 50/60's at night and 80's during the day in the fall, winter and spring. We get to use our sweaters, use our jeans and long sleeve shirts verses walking around practically naked and change underwear 3-4 times a day due to sweat. All our neighbors are returning soon, but they return to cooler weather and this is the part I find confused. Most live in Atlanta, NC/SC, so I don't see the difference.

If we could afford it we would go north for the winter to enjoy the seasons, white xmas and the beauty to see things come to life in the spring time and come here for the hot summers so we could swim and enjoy the water sports. Maybe I am from NE so I have things backwards. But I would rather be Jet Skiing in Tampa bay where the water is 84 in the summer than Cape Cod where is 58. If I could I would enjoy the north for its seasons and the south for its summer. But then I am not your normal type of guy.

Change is the only constant! Embrace it for success!

This slogan was one that Howard Diamond had for his company, Corporate Software and Technology! I was very young when I worked for CS&T and I had some time to get to know Howard. Like all the executives I worked for, he was a man of conviction and had a strong belief that only those that embraced change could be successful. Well, I was young and impressionable and I strongly believed in Howards philosophy!

I always liked slogans! They were easy to understand, teach and always got to the point. Another one of my favorites to this day is; "don't wait to be told be a self starter, "The players change but the game remains the same" and my favorite, "Well rooted character ethics nourishes true success and happiness!"

It was slogans like these that always got me to be understood by those above me and those I managed. I could speak from the heart and motivate people. I was so successfull at managing that I have people I still mentor that I managed 20+ years ago.

Embracing some of these concepts often tends to scare some people. Some so called educated people are intimitated when you have the power of the masses or in thsis case the dedication of those you manage. They instead of embracing change and embracing my concepts tend to head in a different direction and I find myself without a job. This has happened at the private sector as well as goverment.

If you have even gone on a long term vacation, you have returned and noticed change. Sometimes we don't see it because we lived everyday. But if your away for a while, you will notice your plants have grown, your parents have aged and your inner circle is in a difference place in their lifes. Sometimes you come back to a death, a divorce,,, you get my point.

You see "change is the only constant. You can't stop things from changing you can't harrness change, and you can't control it. All you can do is embrace and prepare for it. You can plan for change, you can prepare for change, you may even preempt change. But be assured change will happen. It happens when we sleep, when we are awake even whe we are in a coma change continues.

I recently saw an interview with a man wrongly convicted and now with the power of DNA, is preparing to be set free. See he is being prepared to embrace what has changed in the 20 years he has been wrongly convicted and served a long time.

This is the interesting thing about change. It moves on even when we don't embrace it. You can expect it as you can expect the sun to come up and to go down. But one way to embrace change besides accepting it, is to realize it eventualy wil lead you to death. Once you die change does not longer effect you. The world keeps changing but your no longer impacted. Change for you has stopped.

I personaly love change! I have always embrace it, tried to preempt it so I could be successull! I have anyalyzed what change may do or not! Observing change in people is facinating and sometimes heart breaking as the case with my Bam Bam.

Recently Rob lost his job! I have always believed you celebrate the good and the bad as I have blogged about. But this situation is change. One can take this opportunity to advance or go in a different direction in your life. Changes like these will occur, it's what you do with the change that either makes you successful and move forward or stay at the moment while change occurs without you. So embrace change and hold on for an exciting wild ride on this planet called earth!

UNDERGROUND SEX & DRUGS

I remember when I was working at a software company, there was this young very good looking man we will call Kevin! He took a liking to me and we chatted about life, family and what we did on the weekends. He was extremely smart and had this laid back way of looking at life. Nothing bothered him.

So one Monday morning he arrived with his overnight bag and I happen to question why you’re bringing an overnight carry on to work and he says I just arrived from Miami. Of course being a lover of Miami the conversation continued. You see he tells me, I have a ticket waiting for me every weekend to fly to Miami and return Monday morning.

I said that was nice spending the weekends at the beach and enjoying the sun etc. Because we were friends and he could trust me, he closed the office door and told me a world I would experience many years later. You see, he continues, I don’t fly down for the sun and beach! I fly down for the underground parties.

He continued to tell me about a life that Tom Cruise depicted in a movie a few years go, of overnight/weekend parties of sex and drugs! These were parties arranged with facemasks for privacy, VIP guests only with DJ and at a private very wealthy residence, where people could live their fantasies and then come back to our world.

If you’re a vivid viewer of Family Guy, believe me those ideas come from an experienced writer. One or many who are writers and have experienced this underground world.  There is a well funded underground society and sometimes you hear of a politician here and there caught with his pants down. Who do you think supports these kinds of functions? We hear of the drugs we find as they make their way to the USA, but you would be amazed of what’s allowed to go through to support the top 10% of rich society.

I have experience this lifestyle and met some of the players. It’s too bad some can't find a balance between reality and fiction. Sometimes they start believing that the underground is the real world and we are the underground. In life you’re either going to find a high living your what we call a normal life, or you will get high living underground.

I cannot forget when Rob and I were in an after party in Las Vegas (this also happened in Block Island) and this very famous person asked if we could score. Again in the early years, I would look toward Rob and sometimes still do for an explanation. First I had to get over on who was asking. For some reason people think Rob and I carry around baby powered. Well recently I do, because of a rash (being fat isn't easy). OK, HAD TO THROUGH IN A LAUGH OR TWO.

So don't be fooled our two worlds coexist and are allowed to do so for many reasons. Next time you look at your coworker, person in line at the grocery store, a comedian on TV, a judge or politician basically anyone in general, remember what you’re seeing is what’s allowed for you to see. A very health underground world lives feeding our economy. This underground world flourishes during a recession, because people need a way to let go!

Undergroung sex and drugs in just part of our world.

When you meet someone special (dedicated to my number one son)

When I met Rob, it seems like so many years ago! We have had an opportunity to travel cross country twice and down the east coast. In the last 11 years Rob and I have visited fascinating places and met some facilitating people. This blog is about one of the most interesting and fascinating colorful person we ever met. We became friends from the moment he sent me his naked picture from the chat room I was in.

We chatted that night all night and he agreed to come hang with Rob and I. It was not for sex, though as everyone knows I have this thing for chicken. He arrived one day and slept for almost a week. We thought he was dead. Every day I would check his heart and except for changing places he never left the sofa. He was kind of thin and so fragile and I wanted to do the Portuguese thing and fatten him up. Well take it from me; 10 years later I have not been able to accomplish this.

We met Max (not his name) in San Leandro East of SF on the Oakland side. He was in his mid 20's and living with two drug dealers. Well when he woke up he told us all this and much more. Rob and I being who we are wanted to take him in like we did with our Bam Bam and Bette and take care of him.

So he had his room in the loft and in general we all got along until we moved to San Leandro and he moved somewhere else. One day I was cleaning his room and damm this young man Max was a dirty boy. He had all this white baby powder everywhere and he for some reason collected liquids in bottles with letters on them. (I was no naive). I proceeded to get my vacuum cleaner and pledge and cleaned his room. Damm those fucking bottles I emptied them into the toiled and when he arrived from his trip, I hear a loud DADDY!

I told Rob I cleaned Max's room and Rob did not say anything. You see, my Rob knew all along what the baby powder and liquids were but I had never been exposed to illegal drugs. So the loud DADDY was followed by some very explicit language and that is when I found out that Max was one of the biggest dealers in SF if not the USA and living with me.

That was my introduction to this lifestyle (I called it underground lifestyle) and don’t be fooled there are people from every race and profession (doctors, lawyers, judges and politicians). You see the drug word contrary to what is portrait on TV and the media is supported by those with money. Max was a warm hearted individual who had well to do parents and all he had to do is call mom and dad and he had what he wanted. Max liked the latest in gadgets and was spoiled as a brat. He still is that way today.

After living in SF for a year and a half (I hated it) we left that world and went to NJ where it was just the opposite. For a while we did not hear from Max. He had his own issues and eventually went home. His parents died, he got married for the second time (this time to a guy) but we always kept in touch. From the first day we met he called himself my "number one son". He met my kids and when he said that, my kids had issues, but in one way he was just that.

You see I needed Max as much as he needed me. Sometimes two rocks come together and thought they don't seem to fit they coexist. Max lived life on the edge.... I liked that! He was alive! He took chances! He was exciting, while I lived as an executive worried about money, bills and family! Max did not have a worry in the world.

May suffered for this type of live but still lives today. At times has issues but he encourages me when I need it. And I encourage him. We have always been opposites and he has been in my world and I have been in his. Today we both are somewhere in between. Max makes me laugh and when we are together we can be bad! So the powers to be have kept us separate for the last 8 years. Sometimes living on the edge has its benefits, sometimes its downfalls! Finding the right balance is key toward having a fun but yet responsible live.

Thanks Max, you were and continue to be my/our special friend and my number one son!

Bullying not a national issue but a world one!

When I was a young man and knowing I was gay but yet trying to fit in made me a perfect individual for bullying. It has been in the front line this week , with Ellen dedicating some time to discuss this very important subject. But I need to remind Ellen that though 4 or more children have died last month due to bullying, I think it was the lst straw that made these individulas take their life.

I don't believe someone bullying you once causes you to jump off a bridge. Bullying or the ability tolerate bullying starts at home and religion. Parents who are understanding and instill confidence in their childran and allow them to flourish give their children the ability to tolerate bulying.

You see I, like Ellen experience such bullying when we were kids. I wanted to play on the girls side with the girls, so I was always bullied from the boys. So much so I had a protector named Tony Sousa. I to this day don't know why, but he did not like kids bullying me and tended to take them on even fighting at times.

My mother was never involved and my sister was married at age 16 and my brother was little so I had to try and insist confidence in him. You see sometimes if not all the times I took the bullyinng to be there for my brother. I needed him to look up to me and not tolerate it. Well my brother became a gym rat and to this day no-one bully's him!

My mother was and is a very stong woman demanding respect. She kind of instilled that in all of us. I only had one fight and I was about 11 working on a farm when this little bratt would not stop bullying me. Well I kicked him off the truck, jumped on him and beat the shit out of him. It felt good and no-one ever bullied me again at work or school. It gets out very quickly when you say enough! I skipped school once for 3 months until they came and got me. I would walk out of school. I would often just sit at the principles office.

Both my son and daughter were taught from an early age, don't tolerate bullying from kids or teachers/ To this day you don't dare bully my kids. Just a side note, bullying comes from all places and all kinds of people including adults and it's an issue around the world. It has many faces! It comes from people who are dealing with ther own issues that would take many blogs to explain.

So to stop bullying you need your family, friends and strong instilled confidence and demand self respect.

I know I tried sucicide twice when I was a teenager and only gained confidence when an older man named John Castro took me into his heart and taught me how to tolerate bullying! He had 8 sons strong presence and demanded respect. Schools, employers and communitys should not allow bullying!

I stoped all kinds of bullying when I was 28!!

A View From Two Queens: The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm comi...

A View From Two Queens: The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm comi...: "There is a heaven and earth. it is called the rainbow bridge because of it's many colors (I call it the gay rainbow, over the rainbow by Jud..."

A View From Two Queens: The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm comi...

A View From Two Queens: The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm comi...: "There is a heaven and earth. it is called the rainbow bridge because of it's many colors (I call it the gay rainbow, over the rainbow by Jud..."

The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm coming

There is a heaven and earth. it is called the rainbow bridge because of it's many colors (I call it the gay rainbow, over the rainbow by Judy Garland)Just on this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass. there is always food and water and warm spring weather.the old and frail are made young again. Those who are maimed are made whole again. They play with each other everyday.

There is one thing missing.they are not with that special person on earth who loved them.So each day they play and run until the daycomes when suddenly one stops playing and looks up. the nose twitches! The eyes staring! and suddenly this one runs from the group!You have been seen and when you and Bam Bam meet, you take him in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again (I miss that) and again and again, and you look into Bam Bam's eyes just before you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never agin to be separated.

Just wait for me. It won't be long I will be picking you up!

The ashes arrived (reality kicks in)

Last week as you all know was very dramatic for me and Rob. I am sure that it also in someway effected all those close to us. Even my mother, not being an animal lover, was touched by the passing of Bam Bam. More that anything else, was how heis last moments were. A tragerdy that I somehow feel I let develop. My love for him was smuch, I could not let go! But it was time.

It reminds us how quick life can change. We are all animals! All of us face one certanty in life.... DEATH! It's not a bad ending as long as, if possible, the ending can be somewhat controled. That is why, I believe in assisted suicide. I think we should have the right to decide when and how we go, especially if dealing with a terminal illness.

Bam Bam had to wait on me and those last days/hours were so sad, I cannot get them out of my mind! I look at a time when my ashes arrive and reality doesn't have to kick in! It's planned on my mind, but will it be executed as I want it. Well time will tell.

I am glad we have his ashes and now my blogs can focus on other issues delaing with our existance, politics, religion etc. But until I can move beyond this deep gut feeling of sorrow, for something so loving and in some ways my friend, i will tend to regress and speak about him. My little Boy, Bam Bam!

Are we born idiots or just learn stupidity from others

I worked supporting the government for a numbers of years and could not believe the level of stupidity. I want to say it was ignorence, but the more I analyze it, some were just fucking stupid. In supporting a process improvement effort in NJ Fort Momouth the US goverment spend 20M of our tax dollars and years later they were no better off then when they started. Of course I was hired by L3 to support someone who was supporting the government. She had a doctorate degree, I once said to her it was a degree in stupitity.

Its not just the goverment but allot seems to reside there. This week NBC is hosting Education Nation! And you would be amazed at what they are finalily realizing. Give kids more one on one, care more about your students, take an interest in your job etc.. Duhhh I don't need a week semminar to come to that realization, I realized that when I was a kid and left in the back to fend for myself. Most kids like us were put in that special room! It wasnt till 6th grade that Mr Torres took an interest in me and from then on I excelled.

Stupitidy is everywhere! Idiots are not made they are born and they come out of vaginas from some fucking dumb people. Some of them are soon to become our leaders and we are not paying attention. Some practiced in withcraft, cheated on their mates, are bottom line criminals and we are going to make them senators and congressmans. Sometimes I think Our President started that trend. Here is a drug dealer from the projects who became president. Nevermind a hero like McCain! No, he does not deserve it! Lets put some kid who has no experience in leading a country and hope for the best. 18 moths later we don't like. Yup fucking stupid people, we are.

And there is more! You see them in the grocery store, at Walmart, Unemployment agency, registery of motor vehicles and your neighbors.

We have there neighbors that put their garbage out in these cute white pags that the turkey buzzards tear apart. Oh, forget the garbage container sitting on the side of the garage! Or no lets not think smart, just  an idiot and let the trash go all over the neighborhood.

Chris Daughtry has this great song "I'm going home". Its about leaving this plannet, so I believe. His line is " these places and faces are getting ol" so Im going home!" Well it should be named "these people are become idiots and I'm fucking going home before I turn into an idiot myself".

So if you find yourself with an idiot, remind them you need to go cause  stupity though coming from birth just may rub off on you!

The power of LOVE

Many believe the creator is LOVE. If you a a religious believer, you will read that "God loved the world so much he sent his son to die for us", now that is LOVE! To actualy see your son die for people that at the time were not believers showed LOVE!

But in my 50 years of living on this planet I question such LOVE! It sounds good! It feels good when your priviledged to experience true LOVE! I mean I love my children, My family and I am in love with my partner! So this love exists! But for this blog I want to review the creators LOVE!

I am not ALL powerfull, but if someone was going to kill my son and I kew it would not happen. If I happen to be with my daughter and a bullett was headed her way, I would stand in front of her even if it meant me or thousands diying. You see these are MY children, and I believe my parental instinct would kick in to protect my children. I actualy know it would!

But supposetly we are all God's children so allowing one to die for the rest, well is that love. Sometimes maybe I over anylyse things, such as this topic. The entire scriptural portait of the beginning of creation comes into question when we talk about issues that matter, issues that we feel, issues that effect us in the heart.

Most of us go on daily with skinning the surface of issues and beliefs then death approaches and so forth. But I find myslf with time on my hands, and so, I will be bloging on such issues as a Godly LOVE! I like creator instead of God, for it's neither male nor female. He made both, so he is a little of both.(no he is not gay, straight or BI) sexuality is a human trait and need. When your in love sex is no longer an issue, it exists! If you belive in the biblical beginning of Adam and Eve, you have to question why in the thousands of years they lived prior to sining they had no children. They did not have sex. It wasn't important, I don't think there was a need. When they sinned, they noticed, gee we can use these for selfish self centerd purposes and there began sex and to some an addiction (another future blog).

For centuries sex was male oriented and women thought that pleaeasure was seeing their man get off. The ones that knew their bodies and received an orgasm were considered prostitutes. Well this is if you analyse, but God forbid anyone to do that, or even discuss this issue. So LOVE and Sex were not connected at the beginning of time from a biblical perspective. It was a way to populate the earth.

Not being all powerful, I could not stop my Bam Bam from dying! Actualy we decided for him to die! I mean he did not sin, he was born for us to enjoy him and he suffered many years when I was gone and I now realize his last few weeks were no fun. But why would a God of Love allow an animal to suffer. I have limited love and I cried for 3 days. People (well MJ) sent me flowers because she was so touched by the loss and my emotion. and yet we are not Gods.

So if the biblical God is there, he would be crying every minute of every day because he is ALL LOVE! I mean we humans give him no reason to rejoice. Somewhere someplace we are fucking up and he must be crying. (i say he because we are a male oriented society).

As I age I believe this LOVE exists while we are in this energy form. The energy within us has the capability of many emotions and those that are lucky embrace the emotion of love and other qualities we call good. It has nothing to do with the creator and/or God! It has to do with us. We have the power to LOVE and everyone loves in a different format. I mean in a twisted way, Dahmer had so much LOVE that he ate his victimis.

This power to love motivates us to act upon other emotions, giving, crying, sorrow, empathy etc..I believe that people who don't have these atributes don't actually have love, or will ever experience love. Being hurt has nothing to do with love.Why do I say that! I alwys think of a comment Elizabeth Taylor said once; When I love, I love forever!"

I believe in this. You should be happy you experienced this power of love! And if it was true love you treasure the time you experienced it! It does not hurt you when you lose it! Just the opposite you miss it and tend to again look for a replacement. Hurt/anger just defines that what you had was not LOVE.

I loved my x wife and I cherish those years we had together! I cherish my Bam Bam and loved the years I had them. I had some relationships in between but I never loved them, so when they went I was hurt. But when you love you are happy you had that time to experience that feeling. I think this LOVE within our energy if grasped can prepare us for everything even death. Even more exciting is when you experience being in love! This is very rare in our planet earth. But you can see it in some people! They just shine when they are together.

Take some time and analyze LOVE and see if what I say is not true. Or Just spend your time loving others and the magic of love will find you!

The Power/Energy Amongst Us? Dedicated to my daughter!

Last night I sat outside as this powerful thunderstorm developed. The sky had these fabulous (it's a gay work we use often) colors of red, gold orange and of course a touch of gray and black.

I along with Bette (ok, she was not thinking, she's a dog) sat there and marveled at the power behind a thunderstorm. It's not only the vivid colors but the development of clouds, rain and lightning! It impresses on our mind that there has to be an even more powerful developer behind such storms.

When you see the power and destruction tornados, hurricanes etc can do you are at awe and religious or not we think wow and are at awe of what this superior power or being is like?

Well we can remove being from the list! This huge powerful intensity (call it being if you feel better) that resides somewhere we cannot understand is not a being. We use images so we can grasp with our limited ability that maybe something not someone exists and started all of what we see and are. It ignited the first match sort of speak, and ignited what we know understand as our galaxy. How many galaxies like it exist is not for us to understand! We can't even comprehend our never mind reaching out for others.

Every day we see marvelous acts of this powerful creator (nor male nor female)! We see it all around us. If you’re up north you see the seasons, here in Florida we see the beauty of the sun almost daily and that power in itself shows what this intensity is like. We see the will we have to wake up act upon our instincts and relax and start the next day again. I recently had an opportunity to be with my daughter and her husband Josh and analysed this behaviour. It's power driven, to have the energy to provide for a family and yet be content and happy!

We have this desire to want to live and the power to do it. I call this energy. We have this energy that drives us. It's when we let this energy die or we let go of it, that our life becomes meaningless. The power and energy are connected. Energy creates power and vice versa. If we grasp this energy around us then we have the power to move mountains (this is somewhat biblical).

I know many people in my circle of influence (another blog) that are going through some very difficult times. However they use this energy that is amongst us to enjoy every day and make changes that empower others to also enjoy their day.

So take a few minutes to see the energy or power amongst you and utilize it to enlighten your life and those around you! It's interesting that in the movie Star Wars there is a saying "may the power be with you". How true that statement is!

So may the power be with all of those that read this blog!

A CURE

The other day I read a discussion between two friends who run for a cure. Don’t get me wrong we need everyone to run, walk and if you’re religious pray for a cure. But don’t expect one anytime soon. In this case we are talking about a cure for cancer. There has been much advancement in lots of fronts including Cancer, Aids and other deliberating diseases. But I don’t believe there will ever be a cure.

Why not! Creed.... It’s almost will there will ever be totally free of gas automobiles! There is too much to lose; i. e, Money! Lots of people would be out of jobs hospitals would close everywhere and did I say lots of pharmaceutical companies would lose billions of not trillions over the years.

It’s amazing how quick they come out would something that controls a disease for a huge cost. I saw an interview the other day on a lady who had a disease that the monthly medication cost $4500.00. Is there an incentive to find a cure? Some of the cancer drugs cost thousand and aids many thousands.

Ok we may give them free to poor countries, but it’s like pushing cigarettes on poor countries and gets them hooked and then jack up the prices. Nothing in this world is free. It may sound like it but believe me as they project financials there is income projected eventually everywhere.

So as long as there is money to be made there will never be a cure. We can hope for one but all we can expect in maintenance. The only time there is a cure is if it affects the masses. If billions of people would die, there would be a cure for nobody would be left to buy the expensive medications required for maintenance of a disease.

Hope, Walk, Run and if you believe Pray for a cure, but don’t expect one any time soon!

Change and Time (Dedicated in Memory of Nelson)

The question before us is, does time change us or do we change with time? Some say there is no difference in the question. However based on personal experience I would say "we change with time".

I was born a gay man. From the earliest of memories I knew I was different (being different is for another blog). My feelings were not for the opposite sex and I was very open about it. Just ask my family. Everyone knew and I knew and nothing changed with time.

But in time I did change! Time did not change me! I never was a big follower of trends and people who let time change them. Some people went through the hippie movement, the rebellious movement, the gay movement etc. I always knew who I was, had my dreams and knew what I wanted in time.

From the earliest of days I wanted two children to be named Sherry and Shaun! I wanted a girl first and a boy after. I wanted them not too far apart so they could be friends growing up (that was a challenge) I wanted to be a leader travel the world and fall in love. I accomplished all my dreams in time!

I do believe there are two types of people, those that change with time and those that let time change them. I live with the ladder. Its not bad being either, its just understanding who you are and how you use time. Do you let it change you or do you change with it.

I believe successful people change with time and don't let time change them. I could be wrong but it's my perspective. It's based on how I’ve lived and how I evaluate others in my circle.

In the last month I have had 4 tattoos! It's not because it's hip today it's because I’ve always liked them but waited on time to do it! I knew I was gay but waited for time to come out (wrong or right is for another blog).

I knew I would fall in love and waited for time to bring that person to me! I wanted two cats, two dogs.. You get the picture. I waited for time. I can’t say time at times has not changed me. I loved the 3" heel shoes of the early 70's and bell bottoms! But in all honestly I still like it today! I never minded standing out and tended to go against the norm. So at times you may thing I changed with time but I always remember my best friend Nelson saying when I came out "I always knew you were gay, so why change"! He died before he could understand I was not changing, I just waited for the time I could be who I was!

It Was Time!

Difficult times or time of opportunity?

I am not happy to say I have lived through 5 recessions. I also have to admit this last one is not the worse one I have faced. During the Carter years there was a recession that hit my family very hard. Both Isabel and I were laid off on the same day, we had just bought a house for 35k (wow) and our mortgage, taxes, and insurance was $392. a month and we had two children.

What did we do! We went out and celebrated. I read once you should always celebrate situations good or bad!

Well I tried a few jobs I did not like and I tried a few shifts I hated.. yes HATED! So one day I was in Norwood (these were the days you could actually walk in and apply for a job) walked into Norwood Industrial Park and applied for a job. John Bundzen asked when can I start I said tomorrow, he said you got it. That was Microcom and my career took off during what I believe was one of the worst situations and recession we had ever faced.

There were gas lines interest rates were at 21% from the government. It seemed like everything was out of control. Somehow Reagan came in fixed things (or things fixed themselves) and the country and world prospered until the next recession. Its phases almost like trends! People lost fortunes and some became millionaires!

The same will be said of this recession. Of course I may be gone but someone will pen something similar to what I am doing now.

Living in Hudson I see the guys on the corners with signs (work for money); (have children need help). (Disabled w/children need help)! I can sympathize with the latter. Going through the disability process takes months and meanwhile there is no income. However like we survived the previous three recessions we or I will survive this one!

I remember my mother dropping off groceries at the door and leaving because I was embarrassed to ask and she knew I needed. I am no longer a believer in God, but I believe something or someone watches over me. Rob and I, (like it was with Isabel and I) always make it through. Just when things feel like they are falling apart something or someone things of us and it turns out ok.

Rob says (I like this) nothing matters as long as we are together) he is sweet! But he is right! We would live in the woods in a tent if need be (with Bette of course). We have become a society of wants and needs and have forgotten that its love that matters! As long as you have love things work out!

So during difficult times, take the opportunity to verify you are in love with which you’re with, that you appreciate your friends and family and for those that believe verify you have a relationship with the creator. Doing this will make sure you prosper during difficult times!

However when all else fails you may see me and Rob on the corner of Little Rd and RT 52 with a sign (we fucked up and could use some help
)!

Why do we need smartphones (it's as important as cleaning our ass)

I remember a time when I thought Americans would never, like the Asians be attached to our phones, never mind smart phones.

I happen to be in HK when the way before we embraced cell phones and thought that madness will never come to America. Well If I did not follow my instinct, I could be a millionaire by now.. But was I wrong (and therefore poor)

Not only did we embrace the cell phone we are convinced life is no fun without a Smartphone. After all we need to have our friends read smart updates, the picture we just took drinking the beer we may not have liked. We must send pics to our friends of the game we are watching and sometimes the porn we dare tell no one we see. (get over it, everyone does it).

As I now am on disability, I wonder why I need a Smartphone! But they are so hard to let go!!! How will I send my daughter those silly pictures and how will she share pics of my grandson with me. It's no longer enough to wait for an email never mind a letter with the pictures inside that could take weeks.

You see they have us convinced we must have the latest and greatest. People may not have a place to live or enough food to eat but damm it they have a cell phone! And a Smartphone at that.

This morning I am figuring out what to do so I am canceling T-Mobile because it's too expensive, trying out the Palm Pixi for 30 days at sprint and I save 50.00 with the same plan. Then I will sell my BB phones to be able to buy Virgin and go on their 50.00 plan thereby saving another 30.00.

All this work just to have a Smartphone! But we never answer the question, do we need a Smartphone. Of course not! I remember the day Rob and I sat by nightclub activation our first color reg cell phone. It was so exciting. Today we get smart phones and it's like cleaning our ass, it's something we must do to fit in or like if you don’t clean your ass no-one wants to be around you!

When life and Death conflict

I was talking to a very good friend of mine last night who is surrounded by lots of life! Yes the kind that have kids running around a wife full of energy and a job and employees that keep him feeling worthy of living.

At the same time he has sickness around him! His dad has cancer, a co-worker has cancer and his friend has cancer. In addition thee is the recent loss of him mother and he has time to mourn because the life around him keeps him occupied and focused on living.

I think that is the point even when you’re dying or dealing with death, there is no reason to mourn. Yes there is sadness you may lose someone you love but while on earth everyone is living. Sometimes even those that are dying can give us the energy to live.

We need to remember we are all energy and as we move on the energy is left behind. Sometimes I still feel my best friend' Nelson's energy. I also feel Joe's and others I have lost. And though sad this morning I still call and see Bam Bam!

We are all on a journey and we should not let life and death conflict for death is part of life. Embrace both and enjoy life. Sadness, mourning are all part of this journey and make us human!

Who decides when and how!

When Rob's dad had a car accident we all arrived one evening and the documents were signed to unplug him from the machine keeping him alive. The last to arrive at 1130 was Ricky and he said lets give dad the night, he is not suffering and so in the morning we can all say goodbye and unplug the machine. The dad died that night.

I don't know if a higher power decides, or if Rob's dad decided. I know we did not.

Today thought I did decide on life and death with Bam Bam!
Every week Rob and I said next week, and next week we said the following and so forth.
For weeks we have been cleaning dried tears from his cute little face and eyes. As I look back I think he was crying, hoping we would let him go. He no longer knew us, could not see, smell or hear. But we could not let him go. He was part of us!!!!!!!

Today I went to clean his tears! They were different they were very watery dripping down to his mouth! I hurried to get a damp cloth and assist him and realized his eye was on my towel. I panicked cried and called my savior, Rob who came home and made sure I was ok with letting him go. I don’t like playing the part and I hope I never have to but today I, yes I decided on life or death. It will stay with me until the day I go. May Bam Bam be in peace for fever he lives in us!

Goodbye Bam Bam

Your Dad's

A View From Two Queens: Gay adoption in Florida

A View From Two Queens: Gay adoption in Florida: "After 30 years the lift was removed from allowing gays to adopt children in Florida. The front runner for governor is a woman democrat and p..."

Gay adoption in Florida

After 30 years the lift was removed from allowing gays to adopt children in Florida. The front runner for governor is a woman democrat and personaly as I walk my gay ass around Florida (and it's obvious) I see a new attitude.

Maybe, just maybe Florida will follow Iowa. I say Iowa, because MA, well they have always been first to move forward. They were first to embrace the black population as equals, but Iowa.. Well i have to admit I never thought we would get some rights in Iowa.

California is strugling though they I belive will eventually win when it hits the Supreme Court! rights are rights and if you separate chruch from politics there is no reason for not allowing gays to adopt, marry and whatever else they want to do as long as they are law (for everyone) abiding citizens.

We left Portugal in 1968 for a better opportunity. Forty or so years later the opportunity lies in Portugal. HUMMM maybe just maybe my dual passport will come in handy!

A View From Two Queens: Relationships with those the procrastinate

A View From Two Queens: Relationships with those the procrastinate: "I happen to live with my love, my friend, my partner in life... But at times he can touch the right buttons that drive me out on the edge......"

Relationships with those the procrastinate

I happen to live with my love, my friend, my partner in life...
But at times he can touch the right buttons that drive me out on the edge...PROCRASTINATION
It's always tomorrow and then tomorrow comes and it becomes tomorrow again.
I am a firm believer that if 98% of your relationship works your very lucky. So lucky I am and besides I am in love with him still after 11 years...
But that is one of the 2% that if it could be repaired we would be at 99%! damm those are good numbers in relationships.

The other 1% is lately constantly a reminder as it's love bug season in Tampa Bay and these damm fucks are always making out...

A View From Two Queens: Hard letting go of a loved one

A View From Two Queens: Hard letting go of a loved one: "Since finding out (thought I asked not to know) that our beloved Bam Bam was being put to sleep next Wednesday I have this lump on my throat..."

Hard letting go of a loved one

Since finding out (thought I asked not to know) that our beloved Bam Bam was being put to sleep next Wednesday I have this lump on my throat! Rob is inside trimming his hair and washing him as if preparing him for death.

Though he no longer understands what’s going on why we as humans have a hard time letting go. Here I am in tears just thinking of how it will be, will he suffer, is he actually aware of what’s going on but can’t relate it to us. So many questions such sadness of a cute little Pekingese I and Rob will miss.

It is so selfish to keep him going and so hard to let him go! the next 6 days will be miserable, but we must stay the course, because we love him!

How do you say goodbye

Since finding out (thought I asked not to know) that our beloved Bam Bam was being put to sleep next Wednesday I have this lump on my throat! Rob is inside trimming his hair and washing him as if preparing him for death.

Though he no longer undrstands whats going on why do we as humans have a ghard time letting go. Here I am in tears just thinking of how it will be , will he suffer, is he actually aware of whats going on but cant relate it to us. So many questions such sadness of a cute little pekingese I and Rob will miss.

It is so selfish to keep him going and so hard to let him go! the next 6 days will be misreable, but we must stay the course, because we love him!

A View From Two Queens: Lunch with mom

A View From Two Queens: Lunch with mom: "As much as possible we try to have lunch with our Mom. Not all mom's appreciate this but I try to do it once a week. Today we are going to s..."

Lunch with mom

As much as possible we try to have lunch with our Mom. Not all mom's appreciate this but I try to do it once a week. Today we are going to some thai place we like. I am not into anything RAW (well one thing can be RAW) but Rob likes sushi.

While in the subject of mom's it's not a gay thing if you send your mom flowers on your bday.

Mom's are a gift we have today and we never know when we will lose them......

A log on the restaurant when we return.

Where is heaven or hell for dogs

Yes that time has come when we have decided the date, though I have asked Rob not to tell me when. to have our oldest son (he is like a son Bam Bam) to sleep. I know it's in coming days and I can’t say goodbye. One day he will be here and a week later we will have his ashes..

So Rob is sobbing inside and me outside! It's amazing how much an animal can mean to a person. So much so Rob and I cant look at each other without tears.

I have been lucky having him almost 16 years and with rob the last 8 or so.

Though he is with us, he no longer knows us and has too many issues to keep him alive for selfish reasons.... I already miss him!

Why are we so polorized by idiots?

Who the hell is Paris Hilton and something Lohan and why do we care so much about them.....

What happened to when stars were actual people who were good actors and did something besides a pose or be rich? While I am at it, who the f.. is the Kirdashians (I can’t even spell it)

Come on these are plain idiots who have money and people watch them wishing they were in their shoes. If you have a busy life do you care about what other people are buying... and since we are talking about this "Jersey Shore" I mean Ellen could you have more interesting people on your show.

Being gay I like muscle and beauty, but not when it comes with stupidity!

Current political affairs

Is it not about time we have a country that allows anything but democratic and replucans to run for office. So what if I wanted to run for a poligal office on a "GAY" affiliation. Why should that be considered negative.

Don't we have the right to chose anything else besides democratic or republican?

A View From Two Queens: A view on death

A View From Two Queens: A view on death: "Why do people need to know what you have when you say you are dying... isn't enough to just say, I am there for you or is this a way that pe..."

A view on death

Why do people need to know what you have when you say you are dying... isn't enough to just say, I am there for you or is this a way that people feel assured that they are living.

After all dying is a part of life, so this subject needs discussing. So lets do it in my blog! There will be other topics cutting edge discussions on NOW/FUTURE from two different perspectives Queen Joe & Rob.