A View From Two Queens: The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm comi...

A View From Two Queens: The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm comi...: "There is a heaven and earth. it is called the rainbow bridge because of it's many colors (I call it the gay rainbow, over the rainbow by Jud..."

A View From Two Queens: The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm comi...

A View From Two Queens: The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm comi...: "There is a heaven and earth. it is called the rainbow bridge because of it's many colors (I call it the gay rainbow, over the rainbow by Jud..."

The Rainbow Bridge (dedicated to Bam Bam) I'm coming

There is a heaven and earth. it is called the rainbow bridge because of it's many colors (I call it the gay rainbow, over the rainbow by Judy Garland)Just on this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills and valleys with lush green grass. there is always food and water and warm spring weather.the old and frail are made young again. Those who are maimed are made whole again. They play with each other everyday.

There is one thing missing.they are not with that special person on earth who loved them.So each day they play and run until the daycomes when suddenly one stops playing and looks up. the nose twitches! The eyes staring! and suddenly this one runs from the group!You have been seen and when you and Bam Bam meet, you take him in your arms and embrace. Your face is kissed again (I miss that) and again and again, and you look into Bam Bam's eyes just before you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never agin to be separated.

Just wait for me. It won't be long I will be picking you up!

The ashes arrived (reality kicks in)

Last week as you all know was very dramatic for me and Rob. I am sure that it also in someway effected all those close to us. Even my mother, not being an animal lover, was touched by the passing of Bam Bam. More that anything else, was how heis last moments were. A tragerdy that I somehow feel I let develop. My love for him was smuch, I could not let go! But it was time.

It reminds us how quick life can change. We are all animals! All of us face one certanty in life.... DEATH! It's not a bad ending as long as, if possible, the ending can be somewhat controled. That is why, I believe in assisted suicide. I think we should have the right to decide when and how we go, especially if dealing with a terminal illness.

Bam Bam had to wait on me and those last days/hours were so sad, I cannot get them out of my mind! I look at a time when my ashes arrive and reality doesn't have to kick in! It's planned on my mind, but will it be executed as I want it. Well time will tell.

I am glad we have his ashes and now my blogs can focus on other issues delaing with our existance, politics, religion etc. But until I can move beyond this deep gut feeling of sorrow, for something so loving and in some ways my friend, i will tend to regress and speak about him. My little Boy, Bam Bam!

Are we born idiots or just learn stupidity from others

I worked supporting the government for a numbers of years and could not believe the level of stupidity. I want to say it was ignorence, but the more I analyze it, some were just fucking stupid. In supporting a process improvement effort in NJ Fort Momouth the US goverment spend 20M of our tax dollars and years later they were no better off then when they started. Of course I was hired by L3 to support someone who was supporting the government. She had a doctorate degree, I once said to her it was a degree in stupitity.

Its not just the goverment but allot seems to reside there. This week NBC is hosting Education Nation! And you would be amazed at what they are finalily realizing. Give kids more one on one, care more about your students, take an interest in your job etc.. Duhhh I don't need a week semminar to come to that realization, I realized that when I was a kid and left in the back to fend for myself. Most kids like us were put in that special room! It wasnt till 6th grade that Mr Torres took an interest in me and from then on I excelled.

Stupitidy is everywhere! Idiots are not made they are born and they come out of vaginas from some fucking dumb people. Some of them are soon to become our leaders and we are not paying attention. Some practiced in withcraft, cheated on their mates, are bottom line criminals and we are going to make them senators and congressmans. Sometimes I think Our President started that trend. Here is a drug dealer from the projects who became president. Nevermind a hero like McCain! No, he does not deserve it! Lets put some kid who has no experience in leading a country and hope for the best. 18 moths later we don't like. Yup fucking stupid people, we are.

And there is more! You see them in the grocery store, at Walmart, Unemployment agency, registery of motor vehicles and your neighbors.

We have there neighbors that put their garbage out in these cute white pags that the turkey buzzards tear apart. Oh, forget the garbage container sitting on the side of the garage! Or no lets not think smart, just  an idiot and let the trash go all over the neighborhood.

Chris Daughtry has this great song "I'm going home". Its about leaving this plannet, so I believe. His line is " these places and faces are getting ol" so Im going home!" Well it should be named "these people are become idiots and I'm fucking going home before I turn into an idiot myself".

So if you find yourself with an idiot, remind them you need to go cause  stupity though coming from birth just may rub off on you!

The power of LOVE

Many believe the creator is LOVE. If you a a religious believer, you will read that "God loved the world so much he sent his son to die for us", now that is LOVE! To actualy see your son die for people that at the time were not believers showed LOVE!

But in my 50 years of living on this planet I question such LOVE! It sounds good! It feels good when your priviledged to experience true LOVE! I mean I love my children, My family and I am in love with my partner! So this love exists! But for this blog I want to review the creators LOVE!

I am not ALL powerfull, but if someone was going to kill my son and I kew it would not happen. If I happen to be with my daughter and a bullett was headed her way, I would stand in front of her even if it meant me or thousands diying. You see these are MY children, and I believe my parental instinct would kick in to protect my children. I actualy know it would!

But supposetly we are all God's children so allowing one to die for the rest, well is that love. Sometimes maybe I over anylyse things, such as this topic. The entire scriptural portait of the beginning of creation comes into question when we talk about issues that matter, issues that we feel, issues that effect us in the heart.

Most of us go on daily with skinning the surface of issues and beliefs then death approaches and so forth. But I find myslf with time on my hands, and so, I will be bloging on such issues as a Godly LOVE! I like creator instead of God, for it's neither male nor female. He made both, so he is a little of both.(no he is not gay, straight or BI) sexuality is a human trait and need. When your in love sex is no longer an issue, it exists! If you belive in the biblical beginning of Adam and Eve, you have to question why in the thousands of years they lived prior to sining they had no children. They did not have sex. It wasn't important, I don't think there was a need. When they sinned, they noticed, gee we can use these for selfish self centerd purposes and there began sex and to some an addiction (another future blog).

For centuries sex was male oriented and women thought that pleaeasure was seeing their man get off. The ones that knew their bodies and received an orgasm were considered prostitutes. Well this is if you analyse, but God forbid anyone to do that, or even discuss this issue. So LOVE and Sex were not connected at the beginning of time from a biblical perspective. It was a way to populate the earth.

Not being all powerful, I could not stop my Bam Bam from dying! Actualy we decided for him to die! I mean he did not sin, he was born for us to enjoy him and he suffered many years when I was gone and I now realize his last few weeks were no fun. But why would a God of Love allow an animal to suffer. I have limited love and I cried for 3 days. People (well MJ) sent me flowers because she was so touched by the loss and my emotion. and yet we are not Gods.

So if the biblical God is there, he would be crying every minute of every day because he is ALL LOVE! I mean we humans give him no reason to rejoice. Somewhere someplace we are fucking up and he must be crying. (i say he because we are a male oriented society).

As I age I believe this LOVE exists while we are in this energy form. The energy within us has the capability of many emotions and those that are lucky embrace the emotion of love and other qualities we call good. It has nothing to do with the creator and/or God! It has to do with us. We have the power to LOVE and everyone loves in a different format. I mean in a twisted way, Dahmer had so much LOVE that he ate his victimis.

This power to love motivates us to act upon other emotions, giving, crying, sorrow, empathy etc..I believe that people who don't have these atributes don't actually have love, or will ever experience love. Being hurt has nothing to do with love.Why do I say that! I alwys think of a comment Elizabeth Taylor said once; When I love, I love forever!"

I believe in this. You should be happy you experienced this power of love! And if it was true love you treasure the time you experienced it! It does not hurt you when you lose it! Just the opposite you miss it and tend to again look for a replacement. Hurt/anger just defines that what you had was not LOVE.

I loved my x wife and I cherish those years we had together! I cherish my Bam Bam and loved the years I had them. I had some relationships in between but I never loved them, so when they went I was hurt. But when you love you are happy you had that time to experience that feeling. I think this LOVE within our energy if grasped can prepare us for everything even death. Even more exciting is when you experience being in love! This is very rare in our planet earth. But you can see it in some people! They just shine when they are together.

Take some time and analyze LOVE and see if what I say is not true. Or Just spend your time loving others and the magic of love will find you!

The Power/Energy Amongst Us? Dedicated to my daughter!

Last night I sat outside as this powerful thunderstorm developed. The sky had these fabulous (it's a gay work we use often) colors of red, gold orange and of course a touch of gray and black.

I along with Bette (ok, she was not thinking, she's a dog) sat there and marveled at the power behind a thunderstorm. It's not only the vivid colors but the development of clouds, rain and lightning! It impresses on our mind that there has to be an even more powerful developer behind such storms.

When you see the power and destruction tornados, hurricanes etc can do you are at awe and religious or not we think wow and are at awe of what this superior power or being is like?

Well we can remove being from the list! This huge powerful intensity (call it being if you feel better) that resides somewhere we cannot understand is not a being. We use images so we can grasp with our limited ability that maybe something not someone exists and started all of what we see and are. It ignited the first match sort of speak, and ignited what we know understand as our galaxy. How many galaxies like it exist is not for us to understand! We can't even comprehend our never mind reaching out for others.

Every day we see marvelous acts of this powerful creator (nor male nor female)! We see it all around us. If you’re up north you see the seasons, here in Florida we see the beauty of the sun almost daily and that power in itself shows what this intensity is like. We see the will we have to wake up act upon our instincts and relax and start the next day again. I recently had an opportunity to be with my daughter and her husband Josh and analysed this behaviour. It's power driven, to have the energy to provide for a family and yet be content and happy!

We have this desire to want to live and the power to do it. I call this energy. We have this energy that drives us. It's when we let this energy die or we let go of it, that our life becomes meaningless. The power and energy are connected. Energy creates power and vice versa. If we grasp this energy around us then we have the power to move mountains (this is somewhat biblical).

I know many people in my circle of influence (another blog) that are going through some very difficult times. However they use this energy that is amongst us to enjoy every day and make changes that empower others to also enjoy their day.

So take a few minutes to see the energy or power amongst you and utilize it to enlighten your life and those around you! It's interesting that in the movie Star Wars there is a saying "may the power be with you". How true that statement is!

So may the power be with all of those that read this blog!

A CURE

The other day I read a discussion between two friends who run for a cure. Don’t get me wrong we need everyone to run, walk and if you’re religious pray for a cure. But don’t expect one anytime soon. In this case we are talking about a cure for cancer. There has been much advancement in lots of fronts including Cancer, Aids and other deliberating diseases. But I don’t believe there will ever be a cure.

Why not! Creed.... It’s almost will there will ever be totally free of gas automobiles! There is too much to lose; i. e, Money! Lots of people would be out of jobs hospitals would close everywhere and did I say lots of pharmaceutical companies would lose billions of not trillions over the years.

It’s amazing how quick they come out would something that controls a disease for a huge cost. I saw an interview the other day on a lady who had a disease that the monthly medication cost $4500.00. Is there an incentive to find a cure? Some of the cancer drugs cost thousand and aids many thousands.

Ok we may give them free to poor countries, but it’s like pushing cigarettes on poor countries and gets them hooked and then jack up the prices. Nothing in this world is free. It may sound like it but believe me as they project financials there is income projected eventually everywhere.

So as long as there is money to be made there will never be a cure. We can hope for one but all we can expect in maintenance. The only time there is a cure is if it affects the masses. If billions of people would die, there would be a cure for nobody would be left to buy the expensive medications required for maintenance of a disease.

Hope, Walk, Run and if you believe Pray for a cure, but don’t expect one any time soon!

Change and Time (Dedicated in Memory of Nelson)

The question before us is, does time change us or do we change with time? Some say there is no difference in the question. However based on personal experience I would say "we change with time".

I was born a gay man. From the earliest of memories I knew I was different (being different is for another blog). My feelings were not for the opposite sex and I was very open about it. Just ask my family. Everyone knew and I knew and nothing changed with time.

But in time I did change! Time did not change me! I never was a big follower of trends and people who let time change them. Some people went through the hippie movement, the rebellious movement, the gay movement etc. I always knew who I was, had my dreams and knew what I wanted in time.

From the earliest of days I wanted two children to be named Sherry and Shaun! I wanted a girl first and a boy after. I wanted them not too far apart so they could be friends growing up (that was a challenge) I wanted to be a leader travel the world and fall in love. I accomplished all my dreams in time!

I do believe there are two types of people, those that change with time and those that let time change them. I live with the ladder. Its not bad being either, its just understanding who you are and how you use time. Do you let it change you or do you change with it.

I believe successful people change with time and don't let time change them. I could be wrong but it's my perspective. It's based on how I’ve lived and how I evaluate others in my circle.

In the last month I have had 4 tattoos! It's not because it's hip today it's because I’ve always liked them but waited on time to do it! I knew I was gay but waited for time to come out (wrong or right is for another blog).

I knew I would fall in love and waited for time to bring that person to me! I wanted two cats, two dogs.. You get the picture. I waited for time. I can’t say time at times has not changed me. I loved the 3" heel shoes of the early 70's and bell bottoms! But in all honestly I still like it today! I never minded standing out and tended to go against the norm. So at times you may thing I changed with time but I always remember my best friend Nelson saying when I came out "I always knew you were gay, so why change"! He died before he could understand I was not changing, I just waited for the time I could be who I was!

It Was Time!

Difficult times or time of opportunity?

I am not happy to say I have lived through 5 recessions. I also have to admit this last one is not the worse one I have faced. During the Carter years there was a recession that hit my family very hard. Both Isabel and I were laid off on the same day, we had just bought a house for 35k (wow) and our mortgage, taxes, and insurance was $392. a month and we had two children.

What did we do! We went out and celebrated. I read once you should always celebrate situations good or bad!

Well I tried a few jobs I did not like and I tried a few shifts I hated.. yes HATED! So one day I was in Norwood (these were the days you could actually walk in and apply for a job) walked into Norwood Industrial Park and applied for a job. John Bundzen asked when can I start I said tomorrow, he said you got it. That was Microcom and my career took off during what I believe was one of the worst situations and recession we had ever faced.

There were gas lines interest rates were at 21% from the government. It seemed like everything was out of control. Somehow Reagan came in fixed things (or things fixed themselves) and the country and world prospered until the next recession. Its phases almost like trends! People lost fortunes and some became millionaires!

The same will be said of this recession. Of course I may be gone but someone will pen something similar to what I am doing now.

Living in Hudson I see the guys on the corners with signs (work for money); (have children need help). (Disabled w/children need help)! I can sympathize with the latter. Going through the disability process takes months and meanwhile there is no income. However like we survived the previous three recessions we or I will survive this one!

I remember my mother dropping off groceries at the door and leaving because I was embarrassed to ask and she knew I needed. I am no longer a believer in God, but I believe something or someone watches over me. Rob and I, (like it was with Isabel and I) always make it through. Just when things feel like they are falling apart something or someone things of us and it turns out ok.

Rob says (I like this) nothing matters as long as we are together) he is sweet! But he is right! We would live in the woods in a tent if need be (with Bette of course). We have become a society of wants and needs and have forgotten that its love that matters! As long as you have love things work out!

So during difficult times, take the opportunity to verify you are in love with which you’re with, that you appreciate your friends and family and for those that believe verify you have a relationship with the creator. Doing this will make sure you prosper during difficult times!

However when all else fails you may see me and Rob on the corner of Little Rd and RT 52 with a sign (we fucked up and could use some help
)!

Why do we need smartphones (it's as important as cleaning our ass)

I remember a time when I thought Americans would never, like the Asians be attached to our phones, never mind smart phones.

I happen to be in HK when the way before we embraced cell phones and thought that madness will never come to America. Well If I did not follow my instinct, I could be a millionaire by now.. But was I wrong (and therefore poor)

Not only did we embrace the cell phone we are convinced life is no fun without a Smartphone. After all we need to have our friends read smart updates, the picture we just took drinking the beer we may not have liked. We must send pics to our friends of the game we are watching and sometimes the porn we dare tell no one we see. (get over it, everyone does it).

As I now am on disability, I wonder why I need a Smartphone! But they are so hard to let go!!! How will I send my daughter those silly pictures and how will she share pics of my grandson with me. It's no longer enough to wait for an email never mind a letter with the pictures inside that could take weeks.

You see they have us convinced we must have the latest and greatest. People may not have a place to live or enough food to eat but damm it they have a cell phone! And a Smartphone at that.

This morning I am figuring out what to do so I am canceling T-Mobile because it's too expensive, trying out the Palm Pixi for 30 days at sprint and I save 50.00 with the same plan. Then I will sell my BB phones to be able to buy Virgin and go on their 50.00 plan thereby saving another 30.00.

All this work just to have a Smartphone! But we never answer the question, do we need a Smartphone. Of course not! I remember the day Rob and I sat by nightclub activation our first color reg cell phone. It was so exciting. Today we get smart phones and it's like cleaning our ass, it's something we must do to fit in or like if you don’t clean your ass no-one wants to be around you!

When life and Death conflict

I was talking to a very good friend of mine last night who is surrounded by lots of life! Yes the kind that have kids running around a wife full of energy and a job and employees that keep him feeling worthy of living.

At the same time he has sickness around him! His dad has cancer, a co-worker has cancer and his friend has cancer. In addition thee is the recent loss of him mother and he has time to mourn because the life around him keeps him occupied and focused on living.

I think that is the point even when you’re dying or dealing with death, there is no reason to mourn. Yes there is sadness you may lose someone you love but while on earth everyone is living. Sometimes even those that are dying can give us the energy to live.

We need to remember we are all energy and as we move on the energy is left behind. Sometimes I still feel my best friend' Nelson's energy. I also feel Joe's and others I have lost. And though sad this morning I still call and see Bam Bam!

We are all on a journey and we should not let life and death conflict for death is part of life. Embrace both and enjoy life. Sadness, mourning are all part of this journey and make us human!

Who decides when and how!

When Rob's dad had a car accident we all arrived one evening and the documents were signed to unplug him from the machine keeping him alive. The last to arrive at 1130 was Ricky and he said lets give dad the night, he is not suffering and so in the morning we can all say goodbye and unplug the machine. The dad died that night.

I don't know if a higher power decides, or if Rob's dad decided. I know we did not.

Today thought I did decide on life and death with Bam Bam!
Every week Rob and I said next week, and next week we said the following and so forth.
For weeks we have been cleaning dried tears from his cute little face and eyes. As I look back I think he was crying, hoping we would let him go. He no longer knew us, could not see, smell or hear. But we could not let him go. He was part of us!!!!!!!

Today I went to clean his tears! They were different they were very watery dripping down to his mouth! I hurried to get a damp cloth and assist him and realized his eye was on my towel. I panicked cried and called my savior, Rob who came home and made sure I was ok with letting him go. I don’t like playing the part and I hope I never have to but today I, yes I decided on life or death. It will stay with me until the day I go. May Bam Bam be in peace for fever he lives in us!

Goodbye Bam Bam

Your Dad's

A View From Two Queens: Gay adoption in Florida

A View From Two Queens: Gay adoption in Florida: "After 30 years the lift was removed from allowing gays to adopt children in Florida. The front runner for governor is a woman democrat and p..."

Gay adoption in Florida

After 30 years the lift was removed from allowing gays to adopt children in Florida. The front runner for governor is a woman democrat and personaly as I walk my gay ass around Florida (and it's obvious) I see a new attitude.

Maybe, just maybe Florida will follow Iowa. I say Iowa, because MA, well they have always been first to move forward. They were first to embrace the black population as equals, but Iowa.. Well i have to admit I never thought we would get some rights in Iowa.

California is strugling though they I belive will eventually win when it hits the Supreme Court! rights are rights and if you separate chruch from politics there is no reason for not allowing gays to adopt, marry and whatever else they want to do as long as they are law (for everyone) abiding citizens.

We left Portugal in 1968 for a better opportunity. Forty or so years later the opportunity lies in Portugal. HUMMM maybe just maybe my dual passport will come in handy!

A View From Two Queens: Relationships with those the procrastinate

A View From Two Queens: Relationships with those the procrastinate: "I happen to live with my love, my friend, my partner in life... But at times he can touch the right buttons that drive me out on the edge......"

Relationships with those the procrastinate

I happen to live with my love, my friend, my partner in life...
But at times he can touch the right buttons that drive me out on the edge...PROCRASTINATION
It's always tomorrow and then tomorrow comes and it becomes tomorrow again.
I am a firm believer that if 98% of your relationship works your very lucky. So lucky I am and besides I am in love with him still after 11 years...
But that is one of the 2% that if it could be repaired we would be at 99%! damm those are good numbers in relationships.

The other 1% is lately constantly a reminder as it's love bug season in Tampa Bay and these damm fucks are always making out...

A View From Two Queens: Hard letting go of a loved one

A View From Two Queens: Hard letting go of a loved one: "Since finding out (thought I asked not to know) that our beloved Bam Bam was being put to sleep next Wednesday I have this lump on my throat..."

Hard letting go of a loved one

Since finding out (thought I asked not to know) that our beloved Bam Bam was being put to sleep next Wednesday I have this lump on my throat! Rob is inside trimming his hair and washing him as if preparing him for death.

Though he no longer understands what’s going on why we as humans have a hard time letting go. Here I am in tears just thinking of how it will be, will he suffer, is he actually aware of what’s going on but can’t relate it to us. So many questions such sadness of a cute little Pekingese I and Rob will miss.

It is so selfish to keep him going and so hard to let him go! the next 6 days will be miserable, but we must stay the course, because we love him!

How do you say goodbye

Since finding out (thought I asked not to know) that our beloved Bam Bam was being put to sleep next Wednesday I have this lump on my throat! Rob is inside trimming his hair and washing him as if preparing him for death.

Though he no longer undrstands whats going on why do we as humans have a ghard time letting go. Here I am in tears just thinking of how it will be , will he suffer, is he actually aware of whats going on but cant relate it to us. So many questions such sadness of a cute little pekingese I and Rob will miss.

It is so selfish to keep him going and so hard to let him go! the next 6 days will be misreable, but we must stay the course, because we love him!

A View From Two Queens: Lunch with mom

A View From Two Queens: Lunch with mom: "As much as possible we try to have lunch with our Mom. Not all mom's appreciate this but I try to do it once a week. Today we are going to s..."

Lunch with mom

As much as possible we try to have lunch with our Mom. Not all mom's appreciate this but I try to do it once a week. Today we are going to some thai place we like. I am not into anything RAW (well one thing can be RAW) but Rob likes sushi.

While in the subject of mom's it's not a gay thing if you send your mom flowers on your bday.

Mom's are a gift we have today and we never know when we will lose them......

A log on the restaurant when we return.

Where is heaven or hell for dogs

Yes that time has come when we have decided the date, though I have asked Rob not to tell me when. to have our oldest son (he is like a son Bam Bam) to sleep. I know it's in coming days and I can’t say goodbye. One day he will be here and a week later we will have his ashes..

So Rob is sobbing inside and me outside! It's amazing how much an animal can mean to a person. So much so Rob and I cant look at each other without tears.

I have been lucky having him almost 16 years and with rob the last 8 or so.

Though he is with us, he no longer knows us and has too many issues to keep him alive for selfish reasons.... I already miss him!

Why are we so polorized by idiots?

Who the hell is Paris Hilton and something Lohan and why do we care so much about them.....

What happened to when stars were actual people who were good actors and did something besides a pose or be rich? While I am at it, who the f.. is the Kirdashians (I can’t even spell it)

Come on these are plain idiots who have money and people watch them wishing they were in their shoes. If you have a busy life do you care about what other people are buying... and since we are talking about this "Jersey Shore" I mean Ellen could you have more interesting people on your show.

Being gay I like muscle and beauty, but not when it comes with stupidity!

Current political affairs

Is it not about time we have a country that allows anything but democratic and replucans to run for office. So what if I wanted to run for a poligal office on a "GAY" affiliation. Why should that be considered negative.

Don't we have the right to chose anything else besides democratic or republican?

A View From Two Queens: A view on death

A View From Two Queens: A view on death: "Why do people need to know what you have when you say you are dying... isn't enough to just say, I am there for you or is this a way that pe..."

A view on death

Why do people need to know what you have when you say you are dying... isn't enough to just say, I am there for you or is this a way that people feel assured that they are living.

After all dying is a part of life, so this subject needs discussing. So lets do it in my blog! There will be other topics cutting edge discussions on NOW/FUTURE from two different perspectives Queen Joe & Rob.