Election day approches, what's between your legs may matter!

With everyone fighting for your vote and after months of commercials that at times have nothing to do with the job they are running for, lots of people just say "I am not voting". This is the case with some of our closest friends. It's also said often by Robert! I mean after all promises are made then not kept. And more importantly, once there, you need to play the game.

I have never been a politician, but it's the same in the corporate world. It all depends on who's hand is in who's pocket, and they are not looking for what’s between your legs (well most of them aren't, there is a few).

I for one always vote based on what I think the person can do for me and Rob generally and/or the community we live, associate of belong to. So yes, civil rights are very important to me. It also is very important we don’t turn back time, so I look for progress!

Obama, in my eyes has done what he can do without pissing off the masses. People are very easily swayed and thought they like him, they listen to the propaganda from the right and all of a sudden we are on the wrong track. They quickly forget what track we were on with Jimmy Carter, and the two Busch’s.

I am a believer there should be a balance of power, one in congress and one in the White House to balance things out. And as I say that I realize not much will get done! So I am leaning to independent people like Crist for the Senate. I would like to see a third party, but damm those fucking right wing fanatics, they scare me and should scare you! Anybody wearing tea bags on their heads with no teeth in their mouths and who seem to be lacking a bath for months should not be in power.

So, on Tuesday utilize common sense (I know it's a forgotten quality) and thing with the right head, think progress, be patient and most of all don't be stupid, though I have a feeling most will! Most of us unfortunately don't have someone in our pockets so that should not matter! So don't be a dick and think and learn from the past and not be easily manipulated by commercials or the right wing idiots who are being manipulated by Palin and others! And to think I voted for McCain and Palin (yeah thinking with the wrong head, I was)!

Choice Gay or Homosexual, which!

Do straight people choose to be heterosexuals? Do Gay people choose to be homosexuals? Do Lesbians.. never mind them that get's confusing! Joking!

Let me explain what people need to understand!

We are born gay, straight or lesbian (but why they have their own category is being me or them). We thought choose to act on our sexual preference and them either become homosexual or heterosexual etc. I think throughout the years people have combined the two.

One can be born and be attracted to the same or opposite sex and never act on their sexual preference or needs/desires. Some 98% of the life is focused on having sex these don't count. They were born homosexuals or heterosexuals! It's a funny way to explain. But with all of the misunderstanding we sometimes open our mouth and insert both our feed.

In the 21st century we need to educate ourselves and live in harmony with everyone around us. It may take a little effort to understand, the gains are worth it!

I am reminded of some people who said to me once "we love the person but not the act of gay" They don't understand! In some perspectives they are right if they said it correctly. You can chose to like a gay person and not accpet the act of  being a homsexual. But you need to understand that according to the creator "if you think, it you have done it", and so I don't thing the two can be separated!

So neith when all is said and done is by choice!

Obama Cares.... everyone else is just trying to get elected!

ObamaCare is something we have heard of this political season! Well as an American I am glad the president cares about our health! Let's just take the health away from all politicians, for after all they can afford to pay for it. Some of these congress seats cost 50M! Why would one spend 50M for a 200k job!

We that could be a blog in itself! Just ask yourself, should we Americans not have at least basic care? Basic care helps the economy. Eventually everyone has to pay for people who did not take care of themselves, in this country we don't let anyone die, even those that want to, we force tubes and whatever it takes to keep people alive.

So I for one who is dealing with some major health issues, and presently beg and plead for the basics am happy Obama cares! Shouldn't you!

If we get away from the front of the TV and stop the negative influence from the right that have political inspirations and work on our fear!! I assure the basic American would care as much as Obama Cares!

No-one paying attention!

With all the focus on bullying, most people believe that it takes one act to drive someone to commit suicide! Just the opposite! An individual has to be feeling like he/she is not worthy of life both from within the family and within the circle of influence. That is friends, teachers, etc.

No-one gets up one morning and says today is the day! I for one as a teenager and as an adult think about death often. As a child I was very close to committing suicide! But it was gradual! It sneaks up on you, because you let others destroy your willingness to live and those around you give you no reason to stay on this earth. It’s a feeling that no-one cares and why stay here.

I have lost 5 friends in my life to suicide! I presently think of it often. Why you may say! Well loneliness is a big part, health in another and feeling you have nothing to contribute is major. Children are no different. When they have too much time in their hands, feel no-one is listening and they have nothing to look forward to they give up.

The constant negativity around us from all sources gives hopelessness to young and old! The world at times can be difficult to adults never mind children. When someone commits suicide, we all need to ask ourselves, what part I played whether we directly knew the person or not.

When someone commits suicide, they have already died spiritually and physically way before they committed the act. It's like a divorce! When someone asks for a divorce the marriage has ended long ago!

Look around you, talk to those you love and remember them. Call your family and friends and check in on them. Listen more than speak and as much as possible remember those that are weak and need you. The signs are there! No-one is paying attention!

My Mom and Memories

Memories of my youth.
Flood over my soul.
When I think of my mom.
They make me feel whole.
Gathering at her house.
With all the family there.
We made lots of memories.
For all of us to share.

Lessons that she taught me.
Guide me thru the day.
If I listened closely.
I cannot go astray.
Love and commitment.
She drilled into me.
Making the person that I am.
Just who I want to be.

My mom is still here.
Lessons of life are still being given
She embraces what is love
For she is still living.,

A world of TXT'g, what has happened to communication (dedicated to Ron)

Last week I needed someone! I had a very bad few days and I have this special person that wanted to talk to me. I now realize after he told me to blog about txt'g that something is missing when we txt our challenges and overall communication or even when we use email. I think he wanted to first feel my pain! Sometimes people feel (and I am one of these) that if you hear it feel it you can take ownership of it.

However I come from a very old school family and emotional as I am, my father’s last words to me before I ever saw him again was "stop crying or I’ll smack you"! I was crying because I missed him and I had not seen him for 4 years. Besides saying the man was an asshole! He was more ignorant than anything else. I think if he were alive today things would be different! But that's for another blog on another time.

I am a vivid email and txt person! Email because I like to keep record of what I say do etc. Especially when juggling many things. But my friend is right, you can try, but never truly express your emotion at the time you wrote the email or txt the message.

When I was little in Madeira Portugal, we used to get a monthly telephone call from America. I remember waiting for those calls. There was one phone for the whole village/town. Then we came to America and every house had a phone to phones in the bathroom (I actually one time had a phone in every room including the bathrooms). Then we had email and man what would we do without it. This was followed very soon by the beeper, cell phone and now the world of txt'g.

It has become a world where we no longer feel the pain, understand each other because we don’t properly communicate. We have developed wonderful tools but nothing replaces the voice saying I love you, the hug when you can feel the heartbeat as your embraced and the handshake that tells you so much about an individual along with their eyes that you can read books if truly analyzed.

It was often said of me you could read what I was thinking by looking at my eyes and face! My friend your right! Next time you call even in desperate of hours, you will hear my pain, sadness sorrow, happiness or enlightenment because you mean more to me than an email or a txt!

Tampa Bay in the Fall

Living in Miami prior to relocating to Tampa Bay had its benefits as we look back now! Miami is more, what I call, alive! Always something to do, beautiful people to see and like NYC it seems like it never sleeps.

But what we appreciate in Tampa Bay is the cool fall to spring weather. Tampa Bay and Miami are very different in night live and weather. As we get older the night life becomes less of a need and the weather more important. There is nothing like a cool morning walking around in shorts with a cap wand a light sweatshirt.

And going to bed at night is crisp and you embrace each other as you fall asleep. Eventually we may need a little head but that becomes a last resort here in Tampa Bay. Robert and I provide enough body heat to keep us warm all night.

Its 65 dry in Hudson this morning. Hudson is similar to Egg Harbor City in NJ! Except here we have our family so it's a little more barerable. And of course we don’t get snow. Now that I have 4 bolts supporting my spine and allowing me the capability of walking, I don’t know how well I would do in very cold weather.

When you wake up with someone you’re in love with and the weather is just about perfect and you have the basics for survival (maybe a little more) you appreciate life no matter what lays ahead.

So if you ever have a chance come and enjoys Tampa Bay in the fall where it's in the 60's at night and upper 80's in the day. Could life get any better?

Rating Your Sexual Experiences, And Happiness

There is a song that comes to mind from a song in the movie Grease that says "there are worse things that I could do, than have a boy or two"! Of course everyone is waking up this morning to the Duke University sex scandal, related to the thesis this girl wrote about her sexual encounters while at Duke. She graduated this year so the scandal comes out after graduation.

I believe involved are 10 to 12 men. I actually did not pay too much attention unless they said 100. In the gay community 10-12 men can be a one night sexual encounter. Men, gay or straight are so much different then women. We only brag when we hit hundreds! What the hell are 10-12 men in four years? Of course there are exceptions, some men are not as sexual addicted as others and may have 10-12 in one year. But four, well unless you married and/or in a committed relationship, I doubt, even then you would with less than a dozen in four years.

Of course this is all in a colorful manner. Today any sex becomes scandals. From a biblical perspective everyone was screwing everyone. Lot had sex with his daughters. Solomon had 1000 wife’s (and assuming he was not gay, that is amazing) and almost every conqueror had women and men on the side for as some histories document, women were for bearing children and men lovers were for that "love". One has only to see Brad Pitt in "Alexander".

I have never rated my sexual experiences, but I can count in one hand the good experiences I have had and let’s say there has been many, something I am not proud of but neither am I apologetic. You see way before I ever knew my family says I was a sexual beast. Actually my mom and aunt say they noticed it at 5 years old. To me making out with another boy was natural until I was told it was not. I never thought of who was better and by age 14 I had already gone through a dozen or so. That's when I decided to be religious and try the heterosexual preferred method and in one way to live my dreams.

I never rated sex before marriage or after! To me sex was fun something to enjoy with your friends! It's like watching a movie having dinner! It just happens. There is no need to neither hunt for it nor rate it. Sexual satisfactions vary from person to person. What is good for you may not be the same for someone else? Maybe this explains why Solomon needed a thousand, he never found the right person that was the other part of sexual satisfaction.

Finding a perfect sexual partner is like finding true love or being in love. It's rare and in the meantime we keep pursing it gowing through hundreds and maybe, just maybe you will find one that can fulfill both roles of a partner in life and unbelievable sex. A rating of 10 in bed may be a 1 as far as having the qualities for a partner.

Until we find a 10 in both sexual/human qualities we continue to hunt! So my friends Happy Hunting! But if you’re going to rate, have two graphs great sex/human qualities for a long time life of happiness.

Dealing With Loneliness and/or Depression

I once read that loneliness effected more people in the world than all the diseases put together. Of course I add depression to this list. So, I agree that depression and the feeling of loneliness can and is the disease affecting the world that hardly anyone addresses. It’s a disease that most are embarrassed about even more than telling someone you have Aids.

You see when someone is lonely or depressed they can be embraced by many friends who love them and they may have lots of money. It has nothing to do with either. Loneliness and depression are deep inside the soul and a mental condition.

I never understood it until it affected me. I have the greatest man anyone could ask for and my life in general is very good. We are not rich nor poor we have family around us and overall everything is like everyone else. But there is this emptiness within, that is very difficult to explain.

Someone who is lonely or depressed has a body but a dying or deal soul. They are here but no longer living. It’s like a tree with a hollow trunk. Sometimes people who are lonely/depressed turn to drinking, drugs or sex. Some turn to doctors for medication that basically makes them numb. Some do both and eventually take their lives way before it’s their time.

I am not afraid to say I am dealing with loneliness/depression. I have for the last 6 years. There are days I cry all day. The smallest of things can turn me into an emotional state. Lots of times I am here, but not no longer living. I experienced this when I was a teenager and what helped me was I tried to stay busy. Lonely/depressed people tend to have lots of time on their hands; thinking is their enemy not friend.

I got married had children traveled the world stayed in the best of hotels and eat of the best food. Then I was lonely/depressed again when I had nothing to do! I came out and made the decision to live my life the way and was lucky enough to find Robert and the cycle ran its course again. During this transition I again dealt with loneliness/depression.

Today after a nervous breakdown and two auto accidents I again find myself with time. And time is my enemy. This time its associated with physical pain, night tremors, loss of memory etc. So I am looking to blogging to stay busy and maybe sharing my experience can assist others and me.

My dad was an alcoholic, womanizer and died at an early age of 42 or so I am told. I believe it was related to his liver. I now find myself with similar issues, though I don’t consider myself an alcoholic, there are many other diseases that affect the liver, lungs, heart etc.

It seems the best way to deal with loneliness/depression is for everyone to remember those around them. Tell them you love them and stop by to say hello. People get so busy in life, they forget their parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, nephews etc. When you think of someone, call them and say you were just thinking about them.

The electronic world was suppose to relieve us and free our time, instead it has eaten every minute of life. There went the Sunday family get together, vacations or retreats. We have become a world of pills, and therapists!

It's a shame for there is so much to live for and when your lonely/depressed none of it matters. I believe that the masses of people busy with their computers and iphones/blackberry’s will become the next generation of lonely depressed people. One day all that will be taken away and you won’t know what to do!

Build relationships and a circle of friends not related to you electronic device, for when all is said and done that is who will help you stay away from being lonely and depressed.

WHEN DEATH COMES KNOCKING! a new blog starting next week!

Monday I will start a new blog that will deal with Life before Death. A number of people are living with terminal illnesses, including me. To some this comes as a surprise, to some a shock and to others, you may have figured it out.

I guess it's time and just to note, I don't want the sympathy calls, emails notes or visits. I want to be treated as I am living not dying. But there is a need in this world to talk about how people are feeling as they struggle with life not thinking of dying. A friend quoted a good saying yesterday "everyone wants to go to heaven but no-one wants to die". I am not one of those! I don't expect heaven or hell but to dust I will return sooner than most my age... and this is happening to people every day.

I think it helps to talk about it, so I will blog to see if it helps me adjust to what I have and will miss. I think most of the new generations are not afraid of dying. Maybe that explains why the death rates for younger people are higher. I actually ask for it to happen every day. This is especially true, since I lost Bam Bam. Though I know Rob would have taken good care of him, I know no-one could replace me. Taking of one’s life is a self centered selfish activity, so I used to think! Always remember the brain is an amazing organ.

I will discuss this further next week on maybe a daily or a few times a week, I have yet to decide. I am dealing with death very different than my sister. She is fighting to live! I have decided to just live! It's been 6 years that I have refused to accept it, tell anyone or accepted my fate. Just recently after the second car accident I had to come to terms with my many illnesses including the fact that I am on the death list! Only time will tell when that is and how I go. I am sure many will go before me and maybe not.

I have been a very lucky man, lived all my dreams! It is difficult to accept and it's a huge challenge for me. The most challenging aspect is that more and more I need someone to take care of me (mostly due to the auto accidents). Most of you that know me well, realize I was the one that took care of everything. Today, I can't even handle a checking account.

I still love the things in life; I no longer enjoy living it. I hope our blog will assist those who are troubled like me to look at what’s left from a different perspective.

I have always believed we don’t talk about death enough. It’s something that awaits all of us yet rarely talked about. I plan on changing this! See you Monday! It will be called "Today with Abilio, a view of life accepting death"!

What I enjoyed, missed, regret and look forward to! But It made me!

Enjoyed: Having a boyfriend until I was told I had to have a girlfriend
               Having a girlfriend that I married
               First time I had sex with a guy and girl age G5-G17, early starter
               Getting married TWICE
               Being part of creation and being there when my children were born
               Being thee for my kids, school plays, the crying the days they needed me, up all night holding       
               them when they were sick, being squeezed by my daughter/son and holding their hands when we
               walked
               The baby smell
               Going to school and taking on the teachers
               Watching my kids grow up
                
Missed:   I missed growing up being who I really was! Pretending to be someone I was not, though
               I became good at it.
              
Regrets:  Not going to my daughter’s college graduation'   
              Not attending my daughter’s wedding
              Having children so young, maybe if I had them older I would have been a better parent
              Not having the courage to be who I was
             
Plan on:  Live but not suffer
              Plan for the day
              Going to Europe because Rob wants to
              Avoiding all funerals
              Be there for my children, Rob and family
              Enjoy every moment
              Be there for anyone who needs me
              Die with dignity

Political add; "get rid of corruption and fraud" would mean no political leaders

This morning at 5 AM, (it's hard to understand why a disabled person gets up at that time) I saw an ad on TV for state senate that said if you "get rid of corruption and fraud" it creates jobs. Now I don’t know what planet he lives on or who actually buys that shit, but I don't think getting rid of corruption and fraud would create jobs.

Getting rid of corruption and fraud would get rid of the politicians. I think everyone running for the state and federal level in Florida has a counter add that depicts the individual with corruption and fraud charges. I am at awe how corrupt our leaders are or hoe corrupt they become when the go to Washington. I am one of those believers we should just get rid of the federal government.

The Soviet Union collapsed and the world continued without skipping a beat. If the federal government collapsed every state would be responsible for they make rules that their people want and those states that sucked would merge would others. I think the federal government is out of control, is no longer in touch with the common citizen their there to represent and is definitely all corrupt.

I worked for the FAA for a while and the US Army and let me tell you how out of control the Federal Government is. I one time was hired to assist someone who was assisting someone who was assisting the government. That added 3 more layers of people because the government worker could not do their job. You see you never get fired from government. Only new administration members get rotated. Those little guys that get paid 80k for an administration job and around 130k for a leader position always get rotated never fired.

You want to reduce 1.5 Trillion dollars! Just get rid of the federal government and every state fend for themselves. Or maybe have a government that oversees 25 states. There has to be a better idea then what we presently have. We are so corrupt that I believe it's a prerequisite to run for political office.

Now that is a sad state we are in!

Florida in the Fall, Winter and Spring

Most of our neighborhood leaves for the summer and returns for the winter here in the Tampa Bay area. I still don't understand that concept. OK, we don’t get snow, but temperatures can and often in the winter reach the high 20's.

This morning I awoke to a crisp 52 degrees. Now for October that is way below normal. Maybe after all the weather system is changing, I don't know. I do know Miami never reached such cold temperatures and yet we are only 300 miles from Miami.

Don't get me wrong I like the nice cool weather. It’s refreshing after what they say was the hottest summer on record for the Tampa Bay area. As I write this blog, I am wearing a nice sweater and socks outside where I tend to be when it's not as hot as hell! You see the summers here to me are as I imagine a fiery hell to be. I don’t particularly like it.

However the reason for our recent trips is being made as a way to say goodbye this will be explained in another blog). However here we are in Tampa Bay and for a number of reasons here we may finally stay and live for a period of time. I would have preferred MA where we have more rights and our relationship is accepted and embraced, but except for my children my family is here, we feel welcomed and so this is going to be home.

Yes I do have to tolerate the summer. We tend to hide inside for a few months. But there is nothing like 50/60's at night and 80's during the day in the fall, winter and spring. We get to use our sweaters, use our jeans and long sleeve shirts verses walking around practically naked and change underwear 3-4 times a day due to sweat. All our neighbors are returning soon, but they return to cooler weather and this is the part I find confused. Most live in Atlanta, NC/SC, so I don't see the difference.

If we could afford it we would go north for the winter to enjoy the seasons, white xmas and the beauty to see things come to life in the spring time and come here for the hot summers so we could swim and enjoy the water sports. Maybe I am from NE so I have things backwards. But I would rather be Jet Skiing in Tampa bay where the water is 84 in the summer than Cape Cod where is 58. If I could I would enjoy the north for its seasons and the south for its summer. But then I am not your normal type of guy.

Change is the only constant! Embrace it for success!

This slogan was one that Howard Diamond had for his company, Corporate Software and Technology! I was very young when I worked for CS&T and I had some time to get to know Howard. Like all the executives I worked for, he was a man of conviction and had a strong belief that only those that embraced change could be successful. Well, I was young and impressionable and I strongly believed in Howards philosophy!

I always liked slogans! They were easy to understand, teach and always got to the point. Another one of my favorites to this day is; "don't wait to be told be a self starter, "The players change but the game remains the same" and my favorite, "Well rooted character ethics nourishes true success and happiness!"

It was slogans like these that always got me to be understood by those above me and those I managed. I could speak from the heart and motivate people. I was so successfull at managing that I have people I still mentor that I managed 20+ years ago.

Embracing some of these concepts often tends to scare some people. Some so called educated people are intimitated when you have the power of the masses or in thsis case the dedication of those you manage. They instead of embracing change and embracing my concepts tend to head in a different direction and I find myself without a job. This has happened at the private sector as well as goverment.

If you have even gone on a long term vacation, you have returned and noticed change. Sometimes we don't see it because we lived everyday. But if your away for a while, you will notice your plants have grown, your parents have aged and your inner circle is in a difference place in their lifes. Sometimes you come back to a death, a divorce,,, you get my point.

You see "change is the only constant. You can't stop things from changing you can't harrness change, and you can't control it. All you can do is embrace and prepare for it. You can plan for change, you can prepare for change, you may even preempt change. But be assured change will happen. It happens when we sleep, when we are awake even whe we are in a coma change continues.

I recently saw an interview with a man wrongly convicted and now with the power of DNA, is preparing to be set free. See he is being prepared to embrace what has changed in the 20 years he has been wrongly convicted and served a long time.

This is the interesting thing about change. It moves on even when we don't embrace it. You can expect it as you can expect the sun to come up and to go down. But one way to embrace change besides accepting it, is to realize it eventualy wil lead you to death. Once you die change does not longer effect you. The world keeps changing but your no longer impacted. Change for you has stopped.

I personaly love change! I have always embrace it, tried to preempt it so I could be successull! I have anyalyzed what change may do or not! Observing change in people is facinating and sometimes heart breaking as the case with my Bam Bam.

Recently Rob lost his job! I have always believed you celebrate the good and the bad as I have blogged about. But this situation is change. One can take this opportunity to advance or go in a different direction in your life. Changes like these will occur, it's what you do with the change that either makes you successful and move forward or stay at the moment while change occurs without you. So embrace change and hold on for an exciting wild ride on this planet called earth!

UNDERGROUND SEX & DRUGS

I remember when I was working at a software company, there was this young very good looking man we will call Kevin! He took a liking to me and we chatted about life, family and what we did on the weekends. He was extremely smart and had this laid back way of looking at life. Nothing bothered him.

So one Monday morning he arrived with his overnight bag and I happen to question why you’re bringing an overnight carry on to work and he says I just arrived from Miami. Of course being a lover of Miami the conversation continued. You see he tells me, I have a ticket waiting for me every weekend to fly to Miami and return Monday morning.

I said that was nice spending the weekends at the beach and enjoying the sun etc. Because we were friends and he could trust me, he closed the office door and told me a world I would experience many years later. You see, he continues, I don’t fly down for the sun and beach! I fly down for the underground parties.

He continued to tell me about a life that Tom Cruise depicted in a movie a few years go, of overnight/weekend parties of sex and drugs! These were parties arranged with facemasks for privacy, VIP guests only with DJ and at a private very wealthy residence, where people could live their fantasies and then come back to our world.

If you’re a vivid viewer of Family Guy, believe me those ideas come from an experienced writer. One or many who are writers and have experienced this underground world.  There is a well funded underground society and sometimes you hear of a politician here and there caught with his pants down. Who do you think supports these kinds of functions? We hear of the drugs we find as they make their way to the USA, but you would be amazed of what’s allowed to go through to support the top 10% of rich society.

I have experience this lifestyle and met some of the players. It’s too bad some can't find a balance between reality and fiction. Sometimes they start believing that the underground is the real world and we are the underground. In life you’re either going to find a high living your what we call a normal life, or you will get high living underground.

I cannot forget when Rob and I were in an after party in Las Vegas (this also happened in Block Island) and this very famous person asked if we could score. Again in the early years, I would look toward Rob and sometimes still do for an explanation. First I had to get over on who was asking. For some reason people think Rob and I carry around baby powered. Well recently I do, because of a rash (being fat isn't easy). OK, HAD TO THROUGH IN A LAUGH OR TWO.

So don't be fooled our two worlds coexist and are allowed to do so for many reasons. Next time you look at your coworker, person in line at the grocery store, a comedian on TV, a judge or politician basically anyone in general, remember what you’re seeing is what’s allowed for you to see. A very health underground world lives feeding our economy. This underground world flourishes during a recession, because people need a way to let go!

Undergroung sex and drugs in just part of our world.

When you meet someone special (dedicated to my number one son)

When I met Rob, it seems like so many years ago! We have had an opportunity to travel cross country twice and down the east coast. In the last 11 years Rob and I have visited fascinating places and met some facilitating people. This blog is about one of the most interesting and fascinating colorful person we ever met. We became friends from the moment he sent me his naked picture from the chat room I was in.

We chatted that night all night and he agreed to come hang with Rob and I. It was not for sex, though as everyone knows I have this thing for chicken. He arrived one day and slept for almost a week. We thought he was dead. Every day I would check his heart and except for changing places he never left the sofa. He was kind of thin and so fragile and I wanted to do the Portuguese thing and fatten him up. Well take it from me; 10 years later I have not been able to accomplish this.

We met Max (not his name) in San Leandro East of SF on the Oakland side. He was in his mid 20's and living with two drug dealers. Well when he woke up he told us all this and much more. Rob and I being who we are wanted to take him in like we did with our Bam Bam and Bette and take care of him.

So he had his room in the loft and in general we all got along until we moved to San Leandro and he moved somewhere else. One day I was cleaning his room and damm this young man Max was a dirty boy. He had all this white baby powder everywhere and he for some reason collected liquids in bottles with letters on them. (I was no naive). I proceeded to get my vacuum cleaner and pledge and cleaned his room. Damm those fucking bottles I emptied them into the toiled and when he arrived from his trip, I hear a loud DADDY!

I told Rob I cleaned Max's room and Rob did not say anything. You see, my Rob knew all along what the baby powder and liquids were but I had never been exposed to illegal drugs. So the loud DADDY was followed by some very explicit language and that is when I found out that Max was one of the biggest dealers in SF if not the USA and living with me.

That was my introduction to this lifestyle (I called it underground lifestyle) and don’t be fooled there are people from every race and profession (doctors, lawyers, judges and politicians). You see the drug word contrary to what is portrait on TV and the media is supported by those with money. Max was a warm hearted individual who had well to do parents and all he had to do is call mom and dad and he had what he wanted. Max liked the latest in gadgets and was spoiled as a brat. He still is that way today.

After living in SF for a year and a half (I hated it) we left that world and went to NJ where it was just the opposite. For a while we did not hear from Max. He had his own issues and eventually went home. His parents died, he got married for the second time (this time to a guy) but we always kept in touch. From the first day we met he called himself my "number one son". He met my kids and when he said that, my kids had issues, but in one way he was just that.

You see I needed Max as much as he needed me. Sometimes two rocks come together and thought they don't seem to fit they coexist. Max lived life on the edge.... I liked that! He was alive! He took chances! He was exciting, while I lived as an executive worried about money, bills and family! Max did not have a worry in the world.

May suffered for this type of live but still lives today. At times has issues but he encourages me when I need it. And I encourage him. We have always been opposites and he has been in my world and I have been in his. Today we both are somewhere in between. Max makes me laugh and when we are together we can be bad! So the powers to be have kept us separate for the last 8 years. Sometimes living on the edge has its benefits, sometimes its downfalls! Finding the right balance is key toward having a fun but yet responsible live.

Thanks Max, you were and continue to be my/our special friend and my number one son!

Bullying not a national issue but a world one!

When I was a young man and knowing I was gay but yet trying to fit in made me a perfect individual for bullying. It has been in the front line this week , with Ellen dedicating some time to discuss this very important subject. But I need to remind Ellen that though 4 or more children have died last month due to bullying, I think it was the lst straw that made these individulas take their life.

I don't believe someone bullying you once causes you to jump off a bridge. Bullying or the ability tolerate bullying starts at home and religion. Parents who are understanding and instill confidence in their childran and allow them to flourish give their children the ability to tolerate bulying.

You see I, like Ellen experience such bullying when we were kids. I wanted to play on the girls side with the girls, so I was always bullied from the boys. So much so I had a protector named Tony Sousa. I to this day don't know why, but he did not like kids bullying me and tended to take them on even fighting at times.

My mother was never involved and my sister was married at age 16 and my brother was little so I had to try and insist confidence in him. You see sometimes if not all the times I took the bullyinng to be there for my brother. I needed him to look up to me and not tolerate it. Well my brother became a gym rat and to this day no-one bully's him!

My mother was and is a very stong woman demanding respect. She kind of instilled that in all of us. I only had one fight and I was about 11 working on a farm when this little bratt would not stop bullying me. Well I kicked him off the truck, jumped on him and beat the shit out of him. It felt good and no-one ever bullied me again at work or school. It gets out very quickly when you say enough! I skipped school once for 3 months until they came and got me. I would walk out of school. I would often just sit at the principles office.

Both my son and daughter were taught from an early age, don't tolerate bullying from kids or teachers/ To this day you don't dare bully my kids. Just a side note, bullying comes from all places and all kinds of people including adults and it's an issue around the world. It has many faces! It comes from people who are dealing with ther own issues that would take many blogs to explain.

So to stop bullying you need your family, friends and strong instilled confidence and demand self respect.

I know I tried sucicide twice when I was a teenager and only gained confidence when an older man named John Castro took me into his heart and taught me how to tolerate bullying! He had 8 sons strong presence and demanded respect. Schools, employers and communitys should not allow bullying!

I stoped all kinds of bullying when I was 28!!